Joke 14 Jun 20, 2005 12:28 pm Mood: cheerful, 2162 Views CHICKEN SANDWICHES This will make you laugh out loud! Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken" He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have! to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!! 2 Comments

Joke 13 Jun 18, 2005 11:45 am Mood: giggly, 2182 Views A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says, "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few tokes together. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and that he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard climbs down the tree; ditty bops on thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. Well, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in a tree and smoking a joint with the monkey and got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he's gotta check this hippie monkey out and walks off into the jungle where he finds the tree where the monkey is still sitting and tokin' on the joint. He looks up and says "hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says,^ "@#$%^dude.............how much water did you drink?!!" 4 Comments

Joke 12 Jun 18, 2005 11:42 am Mood: powerful, 2139 Views A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The short story had to contain the following three things: (1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery. There was only one A+ paper in the entire class. Below is the A+ short story. I I I I I "Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it." 3 Comments

do you use PLUGS-INS?? Jun 5, 2005 4:28 pm Mood: beautiful, 1975 Views I was surprised to read this...I don't use plug ins but I am sure many of you do..So I am sharing this with you..I rather pass it on and save a life Subject: Fw: This could save your home and family Please read. It could save your family. My brother and his wife learned a hard lesson this last week. Their house burned down...nothing left but ashes. They have good insurance, so the home will be replaced and most of the contents. That is the good news. However, they were sick when they found out the cause of the fire. The insurance investigator sifted through the ashes for several hours. He had the cause of the fire traced to the master bathroom. He asked my sister-in-law what she had plugged in the bathroom. She listed the normal things....curling iron, blow dryer. He kept saying to her, "No, this would be something that would disintegrate at high temperatures." Then, my sister-in-law remembered she had a Glade Plug-in in the bathroom. The investigator had one of those "Aha" moments. He said that was the cause of the fire. He said he has seen more home fires started with the plug in type room fresheners than anything else. He said the plastic they are made from is a THIN plastic. He said in every case there was nothing left to prove that it even existed. When the investigator looked in the wall plug, the two prongs left from the plug-in were still in there. My sister-in-law had one of the plug-ins that had a small night light built in it. She said she had noticed that the light would dim....and then finally go out. She would walk in a few hours later, and the light would be back on again. The investigator said that the unit was getting too hot, and would dim and go out rather than just blow the light bulb. Once it cooled down, it would come back on. That is a warning sign. The investigator said he personally wouldn't have any type of plug in fragrance device anywhere in his house. He has seen too many burned down homes. Thought I would warn you all. I had several of them plugged in my house. I immediately took them all down. PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW!!!! This is one of those e-mails that if you didn't send it, assuredly, someone on your list will suffer for not reading it....... 0 Comments

Joke 11 May 27, 2005 5:46 pm Mood: crazy, 1994 Views hey!! Please leave your commnet in here>> I need to know if I am doing a great job making your day and HAPPY BEAUTIFUL DAY!! with a smile _________________________________________________ Dear Tide: I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me abouthow clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the ass. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people. 2 Comments

Can you hear me now))) BEEP BEEP May 20, 2005 7:26 pm Mood: crazy, 1924 Views Today the cable guy came over to changed my phone systems...Yes Time warner is going to be also doing phones. So out with VERIZON (you can not hear me now!!))) hahaha then my DSL is on the blink so I had to call VERIZON!!! to set up a business account cause I was using DSL on my family personal line and no longer have that services. Well I was put on hold and transfer to so many department it made me feel like nobody wants to help me out. So I hung up and called my local phone company and told the woman from Verizon I am a BITCH right now cause I was transfer to so many department all I wanted to do is set up a business DSL. Well she helped me. I told her why didn't the first person when I call couldn't help me out instead gave me the run around. She could not answer that... GUEEZ I wasted 20 mins on the phone... So now I have to use my family PC till May 26 when DSL will be hook up on my business line.. But I like my family PC they have Road runner (Beep BEEP) get out of my way~~~~ Man!! I need a stiff drink... ren 0 Comments

The next stage May 17, 2005 6:02 pm Mood: cheerful, 1970 Views well I had my college computer guy came over and today I had to crash course in doing a web page..he is leaving this thursday to LA..decided to move in with his girlfriend..I told him oh!! your practicing before marriage..haha Well at least he helped me and paid him $150.00 for 2 hours of work...Well I am excited about this business.. I just got about less then 2 weeks till I go onsite June 1st.. OOOOH! having butterfly in my stomach... I guess it will be sleepless nights for me as I did not do much for a whole week due to a bad cold..but the more I look at my project the more I am pushing myslef.. I always wanted to be my own boss..somebody PINCH ME! WHIP ME! KISS ME!! grab my BOOBS PLEASE hahaha Well PRAY FOR ME!!! 2 Comments

Why give me your phone number? May 14, 2005 7:46 pm Mood: cheerful, 1843 Views I always check my KFF mail box and I am always happy to received emails from people. Some of them wants to correspondence of being penpals, or thanking me for the wink or asking for advice, but I try to respond back every emails but if I don't please don't be offended. You know I will get there eventually.. I have lots of phone numbers that are left in my message box. But why give it to me? You know I live far away and I don't want to make the phone company any richer, so instead of leaving your phone number just leave your picture and email address... I would be very happy about it... 0 Comments

What is happening to ME ?? May 11, 2005 3:59 pm Mood: cheerful, 1950 Views this was my last straw to get help on my health. You know I have not had a cold for 2 yrs. I went to see a Spinal Chiropractic and he did something on my back NOW!! all of my immune systems is feeling it's way back to my body.. I feel like a new woman MINUS the sex..hahaha Now I am so sick with this cold I hate the coughing and yes it is hard on my bladder can't control it.. changed many times. Now I know how a baby feels changing diapers.. mmm maybe I should use depends.. Nah!! I'll wait till I am 80 yrs old by then they have my sizes in diapers. hahahaha It is said when you grow old in the 80's your forming to be a baby again..no teeth, ah!! thats when I will start eating marsh.. mmm I wonder If my son would hire a tall dark handsome male care giver... that will start pumping my heart..YIKES!! that's mean does he get to change my diapers and give me a bathe?? mmm not a bad idea..hahah As I lay down resting I was thinking about my childhood, adulthood, what I have accomplish in life..I did pretty well in accomplish lots of things in life and right now I am going to enjoy life to its fullest... ren 4 Comments

Plus 1 to my age May 7, 2005 7:42 pm Mood: beautiful, 1890 Views Well I turned another year to my aged. I had a wonderful morning got up at 2 : 0 0 A.M. had a acid reflux (I hate when I get that) so I turn on my TV (to relax myself)and was watching a very late Korean show till a lizard just decided to walk on my screen gave a scream so had my hubby and son woke up to catch the lizard. (they sure went on a lizard safari). When my family finally got the lizard, they went back to sleep except me ( well don't know when my eyes closed on me I had the TV watch me snored away.) Got up at 7: 30 A.M. took a shower got dress to go see my chiropractic ,2nd visit had to take X-ray from head to butt. Now I've been sick for the pass 2 years went to see all kinds of doctors but all they gave me medication and had side effects, so I decided this will be the last resorts. So far my back is lopsided (feel like EGGOR) my left leg is shorter then my right leg, my chiropractic ran a computer test and I failed hardly had red signals had mostly green which I am in poor health but the doc said he will and can cure me~~ that I am happy about.. we will see after 6 months of theraphy. Well as soon I finish did my X-ray took my family out for breakfast. I had a whole wheat french toast NO BUTTER and side mahi mahi. Hey!! that breakfast was great now I know to order brown bread for breakfast, while my family had greasie food ( man!! I miss that kind food) can't eat greasy food cause I have no gall bladder and if I don't watch what I eat I have to run to the bathroom (like get out of my way!!) Well with all the exciting morning I took a long nap got up feel like 48 years old..Hubby told me I was cutting the trees snoring like crazy..Well I guess it comes with age... Tonight going to get my favorite food SUSHI!! and watch my Korean drama on a Saturday night.. Hope GOD watch over me for another year with aching body parts.. But I know I will still be the same person ..a funnie happy go lucky WOMAN I love you guys!!! ren 4 Comments

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