Five More Copyrighted Songs: Enjoy Dec 23, 2008 4:20 am 1780 Views I Wonder Stumbling and at a loss, I have fallen down There’s no one to pick me up, no one to save me now. Look at this frozen face Complete dead eyes and locked with fear People say they’ll love me Why aren’t they here? Why did things get like this? How could I turn out this way? Things will never be the same, not after my altering day I’m stuck in this place Without hope, without a helping hand People say they do love me But alone, I cannot stand Try as I can I’m stuck in this place . . . I wonder If they really care I wonder If they’re really there I wonder What would happen if I die? I wonder When I gone, if they’ll cry When I die, no goodbye! Role Model Everything just seems to be So very fake and So very toxic I don’t want people looking up to me With their half baked ideas Of being an icon There’s nothing I am to emulate at all Every day you waste, you’re not preparing for the fall I am not world class . . . I’m not grade A I’m not record fast . . . I’m not what they say I’m no trophy . . . I’m no hero I’m not plenty . . . I’m not zero No one sees what I’m trying to say I’m not what they made me I’m just a simple man I have my strengths and my faults I am right and wrong Why can’t you understand? There’s nothing I am to emulate at all . . . I am not world class . . . If I succeed They will say I got good breaks If I fail They’ll tell me I’m not good That I am a disgusting mistake I am not world class . . . Nightfall She said she would guide him and lead him to success He said he would mold him and never make him guess As they began working Nothing taught ever worked at all Then they washed their hands as The night began to fall He became a vagrant, angry at the world Then he met a woman and she became his girl But as he started working She walked away to another’s call Then she washed her hands as The night began to fall He is walking around at night Even when the sun’s up in the sky And though he is an awful sight He continues to just squeak on by Without the people who did and led him wrong Some much for their guidance, they didn’t last too long The ones who failed just laugh and Are indifferent to his calls They just washed their hands as The night began to fall He looks to them for their help But they just laugh and then wish him the best He’s too old, let him look at himself They don’t seem to listen when he says That they’re the ones the made him and he is at an end They say “so is everybody” but please come again Sitting in a corner Rocking up against the wall He realizes he’s alone As the night begins to fall Grandma I stumble in over the last step I wonder if it's a good day She looks at me and smiles at me As I watch her slip away I sit down in front of the window Stare out at the rolling shore She looks at me like she doesn't know That she's ever seen me before And I smile, in a while She'll smile at me and mope Removing all my hope Grandma doesn't know me anymore She can't recall if I've ever been around My Grandma doesn't know me anymore I walk into her unused kitchen Pull out an apple and some candy corn I eat the corn, she holds the apple Looking at me forlorn She can't see she's killing me? I smile at her and say I'll remember everyday Grandma doesn't know me anymore She just stares at the world passing by My Grandma doesn't know me anymore Soon the nurse would walk in And say you must go I look at her with tears welling in my eyes And I'd look at my Grandma Remembering her life Walking down to the lobby I have never felt so alone She was my guidance, my only mentor And now she's gone Grandma doesn't know me anymore She doesn't know my face or my name My Grandma doesn't know me anymore Modern Freak Silence puts me in the mood Silence makes me feel all anew Silence makes my brown eyes blue Silence forces me to think of you Honor was taught to me so fast Honor overcame the crass Honor began to grow at last Honor’s now in the past How did I become a modern freak? A worthless geek No tongue to speak Overly meek Forced to flee Can’t you see? You don’t know me I was humble but now I’m down A smile replaced by a frown A stately king with a rusted crown Watching myself drown How did I become a modern freak. . . 0 Comments

Would you be interested in seeing these movies? Dec 11, 2008 6:46 am 1902 Views I wrote them. Now I am looking for an agent that won't fuck me. I'll just give the title and the log line. Into Loud Silence "An Army Officer quickly realizes that peace's worst enemy are the people he is sworn to protect." Mountain Pass "Facing overwhelming odds, a band of nomads put their future in the hands of a woman with a hidden past." Love And Betrayal "Kidnapped and left for dead, a sea captain spends his life trying to return to the woman he loves." One Of A Million "A young woman struggles to find love with a drowning man intent on self-destruction." Saint Peter's Snow Removal "A married couple faces the consequences of ignoring their married problems, much like the city's snow removal policy." "Copper Wars" "Miners in Bisbee, Arizona face powers they couldn't imagine when they organize to save their lives on the job." One More Road (TV Series) ANIMATED FOR ADULTS "After a victory betrayal, revolutionaries must fight enemies, natural and human, in order to survive to safety in a new land." The Zoo (TV Series) SITCOM "The trials and tribulations of three first year teachers working inside a very toxic school environment." 2 Comments

Insults I've had hurdled at me by Koreans since I've been here Dec 8, 2008 3:39 am Mood: crushed, 1667 Views 1: "Korea for Koreans. Go home." - Let me explain something about myself. I have never said that to anyone, and I have more than enough grounds to. I'm Mohawk. . .Native American. As far as I'm concerned, anyone not Native can leave the United States. We've been fighting illegal immigration since 1492. However, why do I need to put up with this crap? And why can't I level the next bigoted racist Korean who says that to me? 2: The staring at me: Am I funny looking? Is something wrong with me? STOP staring, you rude mother fucker. 3: "You're fat" - Hey, douchebag. . .you're stupid. I can and have lost weight. You'll always remain an ignoramus. 4: Getting laughed as I walk down the street - What is the reason for this? All I do is walk. I'm 188 cm and 113 KG. I know I'm a big man. . .don't laugh at me. 5: Personal property destroyed - On the green line, two Korean teenagers knocked me to the ground, laughed, while their buddy smashed my $200 professional DJ headphones breaking them. Then they pointed, ran off the subway and laughed. Nice respect in a land that supposed to pride itself on honor and respect. 6: Told "Jewish people are stupid" - I don't eat pork. Religious principle. I was told that I was "stupid" and "backwards" because "pork is so good." Then I was told that Jewish culture is "pathetic." Nice, huh? 7: The subway/bus insult - I sit down next to someone, I get a dirty look like I'm a leper, then watch them get up, glare at me and move to another seat. Like the very act of me sitting down will infect their Korean purity with multiculturalism. Good forbid the non-Korean be seen in public. 8: The restaurant denial - I've been denied service at a couple of restaurants because I wasn't Korean. I get that gay "X" with the arms and then a point to the door. This racist shit is amazing to me. Understand, growing up, I was too Mohawk for the white people and too white for the Native Americans. Add to the fact that I was Jewish in a Baptist town and I have dealt with insults, hatred and bigotry my entire life. When will people judge me on the person I am? Probably never. People are worthless creatures and I'm probably living among the ones who have been racist bigots for their entire cultural lives. It doesn't matter their age or sex. I keep to myself. Unless I'm going to work or the store, I'm not out. I'm tired of the insults, the looks, the antipathy and feelings of worthless that they encompass. I want to die. 0 Comments

Three New Songs written by me Dec 3, 2008 5:40 am Mood: crushed, 1721 Views Too Far Gone As I watch the sky fall I stop and feel despised Smile as the world burns Through all the hurt in my eyes I'm the one who feels it I'm the one who's always right I feel my body yearning To walk on through the astral light I feel too far gone now Something deep inside that's died I'm too far gone now Losing adult, losing a child When is it time for the flood to end So the waters recede to show us our own destruction Can you believe that the prayers we send Mean nothing because we're alone? A tragedy is brewing A melody in my head A simple beat of a different drum Awaking the Song of the dead I can't feel my heartbeat I can't hear the sound Of a body that's been broken A spirit dragged into the ground I feel too far gone now. . . I'm dying I'm crying We're trying I'm lying When is time for the flood to end. . .(x2) I've given up now (x4) Cesspool He sits alone Trying to slow kill himself Through self abuse He never seems to give himself enough Through the haze and pills and nodding off He's forgotten who he is The concrete wall's eight miles wide And seven miles thick He can't see the end Huff and Puff inside a man-made cesspool A body that justs wants to give in He don't care if he dies lonely Long as he dies outside and within He's closed himself off from the world Living inside his self-inflicted Hell He doesn't know if he'll be remembered He doesn't care about that as well His body's cold But he still breathes so shallow and weak He cuts himself Giving him the pain that he seeks Day by Day he blows away Everything to make him feel strong He knows he's close to death It won't take him that long As he, Huffs and Puffs inside a man-made cesspool. . . We found him alone looking up and still One month after he died Seven people came to the church But no one even cried. . . Huff and puff insid a man-made cesspool. . . Real Deal I can conquer the world Win any girl Steal a broken heart or two I'm everyone's friend Time and again When the parties are all through I can make the World stop I can make the snow melt away I am a king Among tiny men A giant in every way I can make your motor run I will make you feel the burn When I walk into the bar I teach and I learn There's no woman in the world That I know I can't steal And I'm the cause of male envy Because I'm the real deal I try to keep My confidence Simple and on the low But when I feel The rhythm of life I let my conscience go I don't care if She walks away There'll be another to take her place I'm Major Tom On a five year tour Cruising through outer space I can make your motor run. . . I awake the next morning Splash cold water On my face I rub the salt From my eyes Look at my empty place This morning I'm a loser A waste of human trash But I will be A superhero Next time I get smashed I can make your motor run. . . But only when I'm smashed 0 Comments

I've given up Nov 27, 2008 6:04 am Mood: depressed, 1678 Views I have no attempts at happiness anymore. I just hear everything pound in my head. I am completely lost. I really wish I was never born. There is no one for me in the world, and there never will be. I give up on it. I'm just going through the motions. Hopefully, the motions will end sooner than later. 2 Comments

This is one of my favorite songs, and it's my life Nov 25, 2008 6:04 am Mood: sad, 1437 Views One of my favorite songs by Harry is "A Better Place To Be." The song is over nine minutes long and is a story about a little midnight watchman, a rotund waitress and a woman he picks up one night. This song sounds like me is so many ways. Enjoy: A Better Place to Be (Harry Chapin) It was an early morning barroom And the place had just opened up And a little man came in so fast And he started at his cups And the broad who served the whiskey She was a big old friendly girl Who tried to fight her empty nights By smiling at the world And she said, "Hey, bub, it's been a while Since you've been around Where the hell have you been hiding And why d'you look so down?" Well, the little man just sat there Like he'd never heard a sound. The waitress, she gave out with a cough And acting not the least put off, She spoke once again, and she said, "I don't want to bother you Consider it's understood; I know I'm not no beauty queen But I sure can listen good." And the little man took his drink in his hand And he raised it to his lips. He took a couple of sips, And then he told the waitress this story: I am the midnight watchman Down at Miller's Tool and Die I watch the metal rusting I watch the time go by A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite And this here lovely lady, She sat two seats from my right And Lord, Lord, Lord She was alright. You see, she was so damn beautiful That she could warm a winter frost But she looked long past lonely And well nigh on to lost Now, I'm not much of a mover Or a pick-em-up-easy guy But I decided to glide on over And give her one good try And Lord, Lord, Lord She was worth a try. Well, I was tongue-tied like a schoolboy I stammered out some words It did not seem to matter much, Cause I don't think she heard She just looked clear on through me To a space back in my head It shamed me into silence As quietly she said "If you want me to come with you, Then that's alright with me Cause I know I'm going nowhere And anywhere's a better place to be" Anywhere's a better place to be Well, I drove her to my boarding house And I took her up to my room And I went to turn on the only light To brighten up the gloom But she said, "Please leave the light off - Oh, I don't mind the dark" And as her clothes all tumbled 'round her I could hear my heart Well, the moonlight shone upon her As she lay back in my bed It was the kind of scene I only Had imagined in my head I just could not believe it To think that she was real And as I tried to tell her, she said "Shhhh - I know just how you feel - And if you want to come here with me, Then that's alright with me Cause I've been oh, so lonely; Lovin' someone is a better way to be Anywhere's a better place to be Well, the morning came so swiftly I held her in my arms And she slept like a baby Snug and safe from harm I did not want to share her Or dare to break the mood So before she woke, I went out To buy us both some food. I came back with my paper bag To find that she was gone She'd left a six-word letter Saying "It's time that I moved on." You know, the waitress, she took her bar rag And she wiped it across her eyes And as she spoke, her voice came out As something like a sigh She said, "I wish that I was beautiful Or that you were halfway blind And I wish I weren't so goddamn fat - I wish that you were mine And I wish that you'd come with me When I leave for home For we both know all about emptiness And living all alone" And the little man Looked at the empty glass in his hand And he smiled a crooked grin He said, "I guess I'm out of gin - And I know we both have been so lonely And if you want me to come with you, Then that's alright with me Cause I know I'm going nowhere And anywhere's a better place to be" 0 Comments

I have had it with rude Korean (pissed off rant) Nov 24, 2008 6:58 am Mood: depressed, 2319 Views I got told today to "go home" by some 16 year old punk while on line at Lotte Mart. These people hate anyone not Korean. My students hate the Japanese, the Chinese and black people. They said they don't know any, but they hate them none-the-less. They tolerate Americans, Koreans that is. Not really want them around, just tolerate. While I was walking home extremely angry and wanting to collapse the skull of that little Korean punk, I began thinking: These people are leeches. As harsh as that sounds, let me explain by asking two questions: 1) What has a Korean invented that is popularly known and that everyone uses? 2) What do these leeches use that wasn't invented here? The answer to the first one is simple: NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the second: Cell phones: Telephone technology was invented in the States. Penicillin: France Mass produced cars: United States Computers: United States Windows XP: United States Internet: United States Starcraft and WOW: United States Video Games: United States Movies: United States Radio: Europe American designers: United States Techno rock/pop: Europe Hip-hop: United States Shit, these people would be speaking Japanese if we didn't bail their asses out in 1945, and they would be speaking Chinese if we didn't bail their asses out in 1950. These racist bigots actually have the nerve to tell me to go home? Dipshit, if it weren't for American, you'd still be picking bones from your nose. You people owe us a HUGE AMOUNT OF GRATITUDE!!! Your "modern" society wouldn't exsist with Americans: PERIOD!!! But don't tell a Korean that. Hell, it might make them thing. No it won't. . .welcome to the God damn bubble. Park your brain at Gimpo or Incheon Airports. I'm beginning to agree with my brother: Socially, these people are slightly better than bacteria. Oh, this weekend sucked as always. I am the life of the party who enables everyone else to hook up, but I go home alone. I really need to drink alot more. I'm happy when I'm drunk. When I'm drunk, I'm outgoing and don't have to think. It's when I stop that everything comes back. I've been completely depressed for ten days. Not that anyone ever gives a damn. The only time people like me is when I'm buying them something or doing something for them. I said it this morning. "If I died tomorrow, no one would care, no one would come to the funeral and no one would notice." One last thing: Apparently the amateur psychologists at work have been discussing me. When I went out to dinner with two of them, this was I received: "You're a smart guy. You're not autistic, it's just a label." Really. . .you mean four psychologists and a myriad of testing to show my Asperger's Syndrome is just a "label?" And your degree in developmental psychology is from? "You need to get over your depression." Okay. . .manic depression is a clinically diagnosed emotional and developmental disease. I've been hospitalized twice for it. Why is it when the disease is physical people have no problems working with someone but when it's emotionally or mental, it's something that can be "overcome?" "You need to just be happy." I have no idea what happiness is. I haven't known three straight days of happiness my entire life. "You'll meet someone. She's out there." I'm 30 years old. THERE IS NO ONE OUT THERE FOR ME. I'm not a douchebag, I'm not rich, I'm not handsome and I don't dress flashy and conspicuous. I am unbelievably introverted (unless I am really drunk) and I have nothing to offer because of the aforementioned debits. She isn't out there. She doesn't exist. "You need to get over your past." Eat me. I was told at an early age that the family who bore me hated me and wished I was never born. I have been treated thusly by everyone I have met since the age of five. I haven't met more than three people in my life who have treated me differently. It's just magically supposed to disappear? "Don't believe people. They are wrong about you!" Everyone, and I mean everyone, has done this to me. If it isn't them, it's me. And if it's me, I truly am everything everyone has ever said about me. Between being hated for being non-Christian, a Jew, a half breed and now for not being Korean, I am tired of it. If I died, no one would care, no one would miss me and no one would mourn me. I'm tired of being me. There's nothing inside me that's worth anyone's time. Don't give me things will get better. Things were supposed to get better: 1) When I went to high school 2) When I went to college 3) When I graduated with my Dual BA 4) When I started my career 5) When I started graduate school 6) When I started a business 7) When I finished my Master's Degree When I got promotions in teaching 9) When I came Korea It never got better. It only got worse. I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. I just want to die!!! I have no future and I will never no happiness. And all I hear is my ex's laughter and her words echoing in my head: "No woman will ever love you because you're not worth it." And everyday, she is more right. Maybe my father was right: "We should never have had a stupid loser like you." 6 Comments

Me - In a Nutshell because I've been asked to explain myself Nov 2, 2008 2:34 am Mood: sad, 1817 Views I usually pass off what and who I am as a person because I don't like going back and remembering, but I have been asked through email why I am the way I am when I "have so much going for me." I am ready to answer those emails. I was born at Long Island Jewish Medical Center in Queens to a father who, at best, was absentee, and at worst, physically, psychological and emotionally abusive. . .and to a mother who knew it happened, but said nothing and allowed it. No, he didn't drink, but he was quick with an insult and a punch for anything. He would beat me, then my mother would justify his actions. He never laid a hand on her. . .just me. I was tested at an early age for hyperactivity and suffer from it, though it has lessened as I have aged. I was a sufferer of baby colic, was very sickly as a child and developed asthma due to a genetic condition passed on through my mother. At 12, I was diagnosed with anemia. . .at 16 with manic depression. At 24, I was diagnosed mildly autistic. My childhood was as good as I could make it, considering the background. . .but constantly being told "I wish you were never born," "I hate you, I wish you were dead" and "You'll never amount to anything" took its toll. I had a low self-image, low esteem and couldn't find solace is much of anything. I was the only Jew in my school, so I dealt with severe anti-Semitism. I had nazi crap shoved in my books when I was out, had swastikas drawn on my locker and one even put on my car in high school. I learned how to fight quickly. . .I knew I'd need to learn if somethong tried to take their Jew hatred to the next level. In 9th grade, I was IQ tested. . .and found I had a near genius IQ of 135, witch 140 being genius. That meant nothing to me. To try to fit in, I played baseball and football and excelled. I was a phenomenal pitcher until I blew out my shoulder and required surgery. To be told I would never play baseball again destroyed me, and, between the expectations I could never reach (my parents had me reading at three years old) and no peace anywhere, I drove into a bottle and stayed that way for almost two years. When I found I hadn't lost much on my pitches, I stopped drinking, only to blow out my shoulder again senior year of high school. I started drinking again. My grandmother (paternal) kept telling me how worthless she thought I was and how much she hated me. On her death bed, she wrote to my father that he was the biggest disappointment in her life and that she never considered him her son. My father responded by taking that letter out on me more viciously and coldly than before, all the while blaming me for every failure in his life while lavishing my younger brother with praise. By 16, I knew I was the forgotten son. My father pulled a gun on me when I was 17 and spent time in jail and a mental hospital. He apologized to everyone in the family, but me. When I turned 18, still drinking, I broke down and went into rehab and institution for manic depression. Three weeks of missing college later, I was let out, only to relapse almost instantly back into the bottle. I spent the next few years drunk. At the age of 19, something happened that would change my life. I met the woman for whom I thought I would grow old. She was everything I dreamed and for the first time in my life, I was completely happy. I thought we shared a common bound. For three years, I was happy. Then, instantly, everything changed. She became cold, distant and cruel. She changed her personality and her attitude toward me. I began to slip back into my old self. Then, in February of 2003, she abandoned me, leaving me a note saying it was over and toe call her. When I did, I told her I suspected her cheating. She proudly admitted it, then said the words that have haunted me since: "No woman will ever love you because you're not worth it. Didn't your parents show you that?" I sunk back inside a bottle and stayed there until 2005, when I finished my dual BA in History and Political Science. My eyes and my life has seen more pain and misery than people twice my age. Everyone I put my faith and love into has turned against me. I haven't spoken to my father in 18 months. I barely speak to my brother and am very terse with my mother when she calls. I have attempted suicide more times than I care to count, only to fail when I got scared. I have spent the better part of 16 sixteen inside a bottle. Sadly, no one cares. The day I lost her should have been the happiest day of my life. . .I spent it alone in a bar weeping into every drink I ordered. The day I graduated college should have been happy for me. . .I spent it alone. The day before I got married, I should have been out. I spent it alone eating chinese food because no one that I invited wanted to take me out. I have been hurt more than anyone can possibly imagine. Pain, hurt and misery is all I know. I'm sure amateur psychologists will tell me to grow up and get over myself. How can 30 years of misery be erased when there is no closure to the misery? No one has apologized or made amends. It's just deflected back on me as my fault. The damage has been done. I know I'm meant to be alone. I was alone in school, in college, at home and in marriage. Being autistic, I sink inside myself and internalize. I really believe it's all my fault. I truly believe that deep down, I caused all my own misery. Maybe my father was correct. . .I should never have been born. 3 Comments

More of my Copyrighted Song lyrics Oct 28, 2008 6:04 am Mood: contemplative, 1561 Views Still looking for a composer. Here are five more. Tell me what you think? Red Drywall I hold my last respite I can’t see morning light I lift my head Drink in the dead And make sure I’m all right Close my eyes and count to ten Praying to make a sight But what does friend mean to me? What does hope mean to me? What does spirit mean to me? Nothing. . .and everything I know I won’t see. When I lifted up my eyes I saw all my living lies I lie down my head Make my pillow head And the walls outside my mind I hope I’ll remember a time when I didn’t wish to die And yet I find Inside my mind A simple plan’s rewind There’s no one I’m directed to I always thought them kind Empty Spoken: I know I’m close to death Just let me die as I lived. Empty and full of regrets I’ve not perished yet Broken will to live My mind’s missed the skid Somewhere I’ll be saved Left for another day Grow up, face yourself Just make sure you’ll never try to bother me It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault that you’re like this Look at yourself Look at yourself Demented. . .destructed Maybe I’m confused Rightfully abused Make it quick and plain You enjoy all your shame I see I’m alone I’ll turn off the phone Grow up, face yourself Just make sure you’ll never inconvenience me It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault that you’re like this Look at yourself Look at yourself Reviled. . .dead smile Look around and then at me Tell me what you think of me Tell me what you think you see You think I like misery Born inside agony Nurtured within complacency Given to society Throw away deliberately With the refuse carelessly So I scream silently So I scream endlessly So I scream furiously Given to brutality Is that all you think you see Give myself up pointlessly Give myself up relentlessly Disappear so quickly Inside a Hell I brought on me I guess it’s really meant to be What’s meant to be is meant to be Pick Up the Phone We’re all alone Pick up the phone But no one’s home I am here Nothing’s near And none to fear I can’t breathe now And I can’t see now I’m in the ocean drowning in the wave The tide throws me around The storm tosses me about But it will stop if I learn to behave She’s gone away Left yesterday With nothing to say I was stoned Pick up the phone Alone at home I can’t breathe now . . . Tortured souls At the pole The flag says go I can’t breathe now . . . If I try She’ll say goodbye Then I’ll get high I’m at wit’s end They’re not my friends And I know I’m dying I can’t breathe now So I will just sit now And fade away into memory 86 pounds now 86 the merry go round I’ve lost the use of my body Pick up the phone But Kurt’s alone And Layne’s not home A Stormy Day The sun is shining down In this one horse town The people stop and stare Their lives going nowhere Hey . . . look at the pretty girl Hey . . . look at the turning world Peter looks from the store And Maggie’s there at the door They realize their lives Are simply passing time Hey . . . look at the world go round Hey . . . look at the dark rain clouds And everyone has their say On how that man got that way The people stop and stare As the clouds gather everywhere Hey . . . feel the rain coming down Hey . . . listening to the sound Of the passers by and the shopper’s window Looking to amend A simpler time when things were right Where nothing would offend As the clouds pass by and the sun returns Everyone feels renewed And the rain comes and goes frequently But the sun always sunshine through The night is closing in A new day will begin The storms might just return It’s something we all must learn Hey . . . look at the town rejoice Hey . . . listening to our voice Murder Murder on the brain Murder's in the heart Down into the pit Down until the pit turns into fire Saved by a miss But stuck in the mire Burn till you've died Scars that won't hide Watch the marks overtake you Never once will they mark your territory But, it's not through No guts, no glory Burn till you've died. . . Murder's on the mind Murder's in the hand Don't save yourself Just pray to God now We've killed our pride Burn till we've died No where to hide 0 Comments

100th Day in Korea Celebration - When In Rome. . . Oct 27, 2008 4:15 am Mood: adventurous, 1492 Views I have had my issues here in my first 100 days here. Rude, impolite bigots called "almost every Korean I've met" have just been pathetically stupid, to the point of depression setting in. But last night, I figured when in Rome, be a Roman. Besides, I was celebrating my 100th day here in Korea. So I hopped in a cab and went Bundang to Monkey Beach. . .alone. The place is ghetto. I wanted to DJ last night, since I am DJing a club here in Yong in on Halloween. Before, I went down to Bundang, I took the Subway from Shinsaegae to Iatewon and bought a jacket, Mets cap and three sports jerseys. I ate shitty Chinese, complete with crap service and KIMCHI, because when I think Chinese food, I think KIMCHI!!! It started to rain, so I went home, showered, shaved my head and went to Bundang. I get there and the place is pretty much dead at the beginning, so I go into one "clubby bar" and get Corona. Listen, all you Koreans. . .YOU PUT A LIME in Corona, not lemons! Anyway, I'm thirsty, so I down the Corona in one gulp and order another one. I meet this guy from Florida and we start talking football. Soon after, I leave and go to Monkey Beach (across the hall). I order two more Coronas and down them both in one gulp. I look around and the place is starting to get a little more packed. This is about 10:30 PM. I go back up and order two more Coronas. I sit down at the end of the table, away from three Korean women. I look over, smile and tip my beer bottle to them as an act of good faith and kindness. I just want to have fun. Their response floored me. One sneered her upper lip, collected up her purse and walked to a table all the way on the other side of the bar. Typical rude Korean bitch, but "rude" and "Korean" seem to be synonymous. That's when something in my head clicked. I realized I'm too American. . .meaning I'm polite, respectful, honest and live by the Golden Rule. I can't do that here. I'm in Korea, where bigotry, rudeness, aloofness and stupidity are ingrained in the culture and institutionalized. I need to act more like Koreans. The music starts playing and I don't care. . .I'm an awesome dancer. I start dancing. I meet these two American women and I offer to buy them a drink, which they accept. We do a shot together and I toast my 100th day. I invite these two Texans over and we all have a beer. Count: Seven Coronas, 1 shot of Absolut. Suddenly, I start hankering for some Soju, so I buy myself a Soju bucket. The bartender likes me so he pours in four shots of rum with the coke and Soju. I am feeling good. In fact, after the bucket was done, I was blitzed. count: Seven coronas, 1 shot of Absolut, Four shots of Soju, four shots of rum. I start feeling the music. As all of us are talking, I start bouncing from table to table, trying to talk to people. . .Korean, American. . .I didn't give a shit. I sat next to two women who smiled at me. As soon as I sat down, I got the Korean X and they got the American finger, all the while me yelling at them how much of a "witch" they were. I decided, really drunk, that I need to be more Korean, so I am going to be as rude to people as they are to me. I see two Korean women eating and drinking Johnnie Walker. I go up and ask for a shot glass from the bartender, which he graciously gives me. I sit down next to them, smile and ask for a shot. . .which they receive and give me. Finally. . .semi-polite Koreans. This goes on for about what seems like only a few minutes, but in retrospective, was a more like an hour. Count: Seven coronas, 1 shot of Absolut, Four shots of Soju, four shots of rum, 11 shots of Johnnie Walker So, I am completely drunk. . .I feel the music and become more personable. People dance. . why not join them? The Americans think I’m cool as can be. When I go toward the Koreans. . .the guys are impressed by my intake of alcohol and that I’m still standing, while the ladies seem awkwardly repulsed and torn about being “that girl” in front of their friends. I go back to the two Walker ladies, buy them both a pack of cigarettes (because the are smoking), two bags of Onion rings, a bag of Korean Doritos and a bottle of Absolut. We are drinking and I’m laughing and having a good time. One drags me on the dance floor, while the other glares at me. Then the other one pulls her friend away and they leave quickly and quietly. . .completely blowing me off. I drain another bottle of Corona. Count: Eight coronas, 12 shot of Absolut, Four shots of Soju, four shots of rum, 11 shots of Johnnie Walker I begin circling the dance floor, looking to find some chill Koreans. . .I find ladies that are so far up their own arses their heads are full of shyte. So, learning that I need to be as rude toward them as they are toward me, I begin flipping each one off that is rude to me, telling them where to go and how fast to get there, something I’ve never done in my life to anyone unless they’ve pissed me off. I walk into people and don’t even apologize. . .hell, I knocked a few people over, pointed and laughed as they hit the floor. I figure if Koreans can do it to me, I can do the same It turns to 2 AM on my iPod and I realize I am completely toasted. I take a cab back to SuJi-Gu and collapse into my bed, passed out as my baby Butters licks my face and curls up next to me to sleep. All in all, it was a good night because I learned I how to be Korean. Rude, impolite, aloof and uncaring. . .the sad thing is, looking back, I feel really dirty for doing it. 0 Comments

 TheFuturePhD

31 M