The Irony of Itaewon Jul 24, 2008 3:20 am Mood: Slow day at work, 859 Views For those of you that are homesick, just go to Itaewon in Seoul. There’s the KTX bullet train for the pricey one hour trip or the cheaper bus trip for two hours. In the Lonely Planet book it describes Itaewon as a place with more foreigners that Koreans and the all the American troops that seem to be permanently stationed at Geckos it gives a feeling at familiarity and unease. For those of you looking for some light reading during the daytime there’s magazines and comic books, must resist nerdish urges, at What the Book up a hill that is mainly populated by well…. those aren’t bars. Some things you’ll just have to figure out on own. The shops and sellers are a riot because you can’t just casually look they are always selling something. Phrases to have on the tip of your tongue are “No I don’t want to buy a Rolex.” and “No I’m just looking.” Also if you have any limited knowledge of an other language this is the time to whip out, so to speak. That German language class I suffered through came in handy when saying no to a seller from a “bar.” There is also Krazy Burger where they don’t always tell you that there is a cooked egg in your burger and I thought that corn on the pizza was the worst thing I’d have to deal with living in Korea. My last trip I spent too much money and that leather jacket is already starting to fall apart the minute I got it home in Daejeon. For all you ladies out there Itaewon is the place to find knock offs of designer bags and don’t be afraid to haggle there’s no telling how long the bags will last.(See previous sentence regarding my leather jacket. I’m out thirty thousand won.) Also for many women that are having trouble finding clothes only seem to be made for the rail skinny Korean gal; they have clothing shops for women that enjoy a Brickhouse burger. For me the fries are garnish, but my students will still point to my beer belly and say “baby!” My reply is always “Full sentence!” Which in itself is a sentence fragment so don’t bother pointing that out you anal English majors. Hotels in Itaewon are very pricey the Hamilton will set you back one hundred and forty thousand won, but it is right where the action is with a it’s very own mall, restaurant and sauna. Man I wish I had just stayed in the sauna and saved myself a bunch of money. But when you dragging around loot, which is mainly South Park and Simpson neck ties, in monsoon season. The urge to put a room on your credit card is harder to resist than giving into the dark side when you’ve just constructed a new light sabre and that Jehovah’s Witness keeps on bugging you. Must resist the dark side. There is also D’or hotel for about eighty thousand won but it is harder to find. No real punchline on that last one just a general tip. Now I’m sure those anal English majors will point out that the irony of Itaewon is the Alanis Morissette version of Irony and not the actual Irony but when you are standing on that hill looking at bars, shops, coffee shops next to a Muslim Mosc and Transvestite bars. It’s a place that looks part melting pot and part mosaic with American soldiers walking side by with Africans, Koreans and a few of us Canuks. The sex toy shop was closed but there was a phone number for emergencies and off in the distance a neon cross to complete the irony…juxtaposition…see for yourself and tell me what to call it. 6 Comments

Taxi Cab Conversions May 23, 2008 12:24 am 770 Views One night when I was out with a western friend of mine we ended up trading taxi cab stories. His was when he had started in Korea and was just two weeks of the boat so to speak. He had gotten into a Korea taxi with one of those overly exuberant taxi drivers. If you’ve haven’t been in one of these taxi cabs it’s a little like flying with the Wright brothers and then being shipped on a space shuttle. You go from snail speed to light speed in 0.5 seconds and your underwear goes from dry to wet even faster. So two weeks off the boat and my friend is flying through traffic with a cab driver. Then they passed a accident involving a car and another taxi. The cab driver turns around points and laughs. To which my friend points forward and yells watch the road. The lonely planet phrase book doesn’t have a section about trying to get your cab driver under control. This is all part of the Korea culture of work hard, play hard and live harder. I remember my first time in a Korean taxi. Chances are if there are ten finger nail indentations in the leather back seat that was my first cab, but the teeth marks were there when I got there. I’m not a religious person but I have never screamed out the Lord’s name more than in the back of a taxi cab, and sadly I was alone at the time…dammit. And I have never taken the Lord’s name in vain in the back of taxi cab, but I don’t know what the Catholic church’s position on screaming out the Lord’s name, like a little prepubescent girl, in shear terror. If someone knows their bible get back to me on that. Now you might be asking yourself what taxi cab doesn’t have finger nail indentations and teeth marks? Well since I thought that my first taxi ride would be my final taxi ride with my pinky finger, I scratched into the door a last will and testament that whomever was to find my panic-stricken corpse asking him or her to please go to my apartment and delete certain [cough] files from my laptop. Now before anyone begin to wonder, I have some illegally downloaded movies and TV shows. If you were thinking something else, then the problem is with your naughty mind and you can write your own jokes about that one. Not to paint all Korean cab drivers as being reckless drivers. One was spoke English and was really cool, another cab driver was stopped at a green light with one car coming toward us way off in the distance. I pointed for him to turn left and he pointed to the stop light; he was waiting for the left turn signal. I of course demanded to see his Korean citizenship papers thinking that he might be Chinese. Most nights you’ll get into a taxi and can’t find a seat belt to save your life and other times the driver will point out the seat belt. Taking a taxi is like being drunk in Itaewon and “accidentally” wandering into a transvestite bar; it’s never the same. Still if Hollywood makes the next Fast and Furious movie in Korea, Fast and Furious 4 Seoul Speed, the director is going to be on the phone to the producer arguing over production problems. Hollywood would find and bring in the most pimped out Hyundai cars with rims, neon, painted with dragons and Nitro-ed out the max, and the director would be screaming at the producer that all the best cars and stunt drivers were bring passed by average Korean cab drivers. 2 Comments

Not Just a Hagwan But a Home May 17, 2008 5:06 am Mood: contemplative, 735 Views A little background about myself and my Hagwan. I live in Daejeon and I happen to be on the outer rim of Daejeon. About a fifteen to twenty minute walk from the last subway stop. Thankfully Daejeon has only one subway line so it is impossible to get lost and yet sometimes I find a way. I work at one of those everyday Hagwans that is probably not much different or special than any other schools in Korea. I think the word Hagwan translates into academy, but I could be wrong. Since some children come here after their regular school they can just want to have fun because they are after all kids. One child Lauren always speaks in a funny voice or an old man’s voice. My friend Monica, who teaches at a public school, and I have some of the same students and she can’t believe some of the stories I tell her about her mild mannered students playing practical jokes on me. One of the best one was right before a speaking test “Teacher you handsome today” to which I replied “Was teacher handsome last class?” My school has just short of a hundred and fifty students and their ages range from five to seven all the way up to 16 to 21. The college students who I showed Steven Colbert’s battle with the Korean singer Rain has been one of my favorite classes so far to date The staff is made up of Joyce the administrator who looks and acts very kind and yet rules with an iron fist. Sarah and Josef who handle the secretarial and bus driving duties. Grace a woman that visited the merry old land of Oz; we have the same taste in movies both Korean and American. Then there is Ann a woman who has not been to any English countries, yet she has more degrees in English than I do. She is also married to one of the proud fighting members of the Korean Air Force. Ann also has two children both coming to the school. Ah the married life the one that was denied to me oh well. Then there is Paris the new English teacher trying to teach English and learn English at the same time. Ann isn’t the only teacher/parent with a child at the school. Joyce has Andy a thirteen year boy who will one day become Korea’s next great magician. Sarah and Josef have two children Alice who is about eight years old and sometimes I’ll pick her up by her hands and spin her around after work. Their other child Nature is still a toddler and would make the same face right before she cried or laughed so the first few weeks when I met her so I treated her like a landmine that hadn’t been disarmed. What has made this Hagwan more like a home has been the monthly theme days when the kids bake cookies, the monthly movie days on the week-ends when the school give the kids their choice of movies and then pick one regardless of the vote. For Halloween I went trick or treating with the kids in my vampire cape and they called me Dracula for weeks on end. Christmas was a bit a mixed blessing me being the only foreign teacher at my school I got dressed up as Santa Claws and handed out presents. I was handing out presents, trying to keep the bubble wrap in my costume and prevent the kids from grabbing at my beard and hat. Next year I demand no Santa costume, and I’ll have it written into my contract. I know my school will come at me with an Elf costume. One day Nature looked at me and said a Korean word. I asked Sarah what it meant and she said “Uncle.” This is my extended family and this is my home. 1 comment

Fear and Loathing in Daejeon by Jeff1701A May 9, 2008 4:23 pm Mood: amused, 1227 Views First of all this was a story a I wrote for a foreigner group newsletter in Daejeon. I won't say which on because I don't KFF to boot me for some rule. Here it is. Myself coming from Alberta, Canada, I was a bit surprised by the drinking culture here in Korea. I’ve been to Arizona and Las Vegas and so the concept of getting a beer from a 7-11 anytime was not new to me. That Korean man sitting in the pouring rain with a 1.8 Liter bottle of beer was a new sight for me. Still it did make me better about my own drinking habits. Granted I’m no stranger to the bars and AA meetings, but after a hard day of babysitting ADD Korean children there is nothing better for me to unwind than a couple of beers; however, they are the 1.8 Liters. So this is just going to be fair warning to any new westerners that have just arrived in Korea and are new to the bar scene. If your from the Prairies, like myself, then all the bars back home are on the ground. In Daejeon almost every bar is above or below sea level, after a full night of drinking the cheap four thousand won beer, Hite, Red Rock, or Cass that stairway is going to be a drunken Everest excursion. At about half way up or down the steps just make base camp and try to for the summit in the morning. Usually there will be a Korean cab driver that will grab your arm while drinking a shot of Soju shovel your drunken ass into a cab and drop you off at home. On the subject of Soju if you want to describe Soju to your friends back home, it is best described as if the two drinks Tequila and Saki could themselves both get drunk and have a one night stand the resulting offspring would be Soju. Some hard alcohol drinks do different things to different people. For example in Canada, Rye is generally known to be anger in a bottle. Soju is a lot like wanting to have a three-way with your long time girlfriend and her experimental friend from college. Seems like a good idea at the time, but it may have unforeseen consequences. You figure that if you just get this out of your system; you be able to settle down and start a family. Then the morning after your long time girlfriend tells you she’s dumping you for her experimental friend from college. Or maybe that’s just how it is with me. So everyone watch out that one missed placed brick that I seem to always trip over coming out of Brickhouse. 17 Comments

 Jeff1701

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