One Flaw In Women Mar 20, 2006 2:27 pm 763 Views Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, But they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy And laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer When they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel And cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, Yet they are strong when they Think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss Can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you To show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what Makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their Family and friends. Women have vital things to say And everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just How amazing they are. 0 Comments

Subject: To be 10 again!! Mar 7, 2006 2:01 pm 847 Views > >>A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her >> Birthday. >> >> "I'd like to be 10 again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. >> >> On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to a theme park. >> >> What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster everything there was. >> Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. >> >> Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite sweets, M&M's. >> >> What a fabulous adventure! >> >> Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. >> >> He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, >> "Well Dear, what was it like being 10 again??" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. >> >> I meant my Dress Size, you idiot!! >> >> The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong. >> >> SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH..... AND TO MEN YOU THINK >> CAN HANDLE IT 0 Comments

Makes A Guy Wonder: Mar 6, 2006 3:23 pm 687 Views An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, purple blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once..... and had sex with a peacock... "I was just wondering if you were my son." 0 Comments

HOW LATEX GLOVES ARE MADE Mar 4, 2006 5:21 pm 761 Views A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don't" she replied "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their Hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right Size." She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked. "I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said. 0 Comments

Bumper Stickers (Some old, some new) Mar 4, 2006 3:22 am 693 Views ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Earth Is Full - Go Home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Illiterate? Write For Help. ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Honk If Anything Falls Off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost, But is Miles From The Next Exit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fight Crime: Shoot Back! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Also Are Timed For 70 mph ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ax Me About Ebonics. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Boldly Going Nowhere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Caution - Driver Legally Blonde. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AND Lastly: "POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON" 1 comment

Brains Mar 4, 2006 3:22 am 679 Views In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used." (Actually, I thought it may have been a matter of supply & demand - not too many male bains around!) SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH (AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.) 1 comment

cracked pots Mar 4, 2006 3:21 am 718 Views An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house. Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in themTo all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers 1 comment

깨지는 남비 Mar 4, 2006 3:20 am 733 Views 여자는 2이 있었다 각자, 큰 남비는 그녀가 그녀의 목저 쪽에에 나른 극의 끝에 걸었다. 1개 남비의 다른 남비가 완전한과 항상 동안 그것안에 균열을 있었다 근해의 충분한 부분을 배달했다. 시내에서 긴 도보의 끝에 집에, 깨지는 남비는 단 절반 충분히 도착했다. 충분한 2 년간 이것 위에 매일, 가정 근해의 단 것을 및 반 가져옴것은 여자와 남비 어울렸다. 당연히, 완전한 남비는 그것의 성취의 거만했다. 그러나 영세민 깨지는 남비는 그것의 자신의 불완전을 부끄럽게 여기고, 비참한 저 할 수 있었다 하기 위하여 감지한 것의 2 년다음에 만들었었던 것을의 단 반을 하십시요 쓴 실패 이라, 그것은 시내에 의하여 여자에게 1 일 말했다 "나가 이는 나의 측안에 이 균열이 근해를 모두에서 새기 일으키는 원인이 되기 때문에, 나 자신을 부끄럽게 여기는 노인이, "미소한 너의 집등을맞댄 방법 너는 저것을 주의했다 거기서 경로의 너의 측에, 그러나 다른 남비 측에 꽃은 이지 않는가? 나가 너의 하자에 관하여 항상 있어있었기것이 때문에 저것은 이다, 그래서 꽃씨가 나에 의하여 설치했다 경로의 너의 측에, 우리가 후에 걷는 동안 매일, 그들이 너에 의하여 급수하고 이 아름다운 꽃을에 쑤셨 "2 년간 나는 테이블을 꾸미십시요. 정당한 방법 너없이 너는 이고, 거기서 이지 않을텐데 은총에 이 아름다움 집. 우리들의 각자는 우리의 자신의 유일한 하자가 있는다. 그러나 그것은 이다 우리의 생활을 함께 이렇게 아주 만들는 각자 우리가 있는 하자 및 균열 관심을 끌 보상. 가지고 간것을 그들 무엇을 위해 너는 다만 각 사람을 얻었다 있고 그들안에 좋은 것 찾으십시요. 나의 별난 사람 친구의 모두에게, 중대한 것 있으십시요 일은 꽃을 냄새맡는것을 생각하고 0 Comments

Wonderisms Mar 3, 2006 8:39 pm 754 Views I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. I had amnesia once -- or twice. I forget which! I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what? Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. What if there were no hypothetical questions? The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained three pounds. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm? My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. How can there be self-help "groups"? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? The speed of time is one-second per second. Is it possible to be totally partial? What's another word for thesaurus? Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? 1 comment

Yet more shocking revelations Mar 3, 2006 8:39 pm 723 Views Yet more shocking revelations came to light today regarding last weekend's hunting 'accident' in Texas. Officials at the Texas State Wildlife and Game Department revealed that Vice President dick Cheny violated established State hunting laws when he shot Mr. Harry Whittington. As Wildlife Ranger John Burton explained - "We got nothin' against huntin' lawyers around here - hell, I've bagged a few myself. And Mr. Huntington's agemade him a prime candidate for herd-thinning: he's 78 and way past his prime. But Huntington is a TAX lawyer, and you ain't allowed to take tax lawyers until May 1st." In 1987, in an agreement reached with the Texas Bar Association, the Wildlife & Game Dept. established a series of laws regulating the hunting of lawyers. "You have to understand," said the Chairman of the TBA, "if we don't thin 'em out then they overpopulate their egosystem. Next thing you know, there aren't enough cases to go around. Young lawyers starve, or clog up the court-houses and television trying to drum up clients. It just messes things up. But we also didn't want indiscriminant slaughter, so we got together with the Wildlife boys and set up a few rules." These rules include the following: 1) Only lawyers above the age of 64 and personal-injury attorneys may be taken, with a limit of two per hunter per year. Muzzle-loader hunters are allowed three, bow-hunters are restricted to four. 2) Only female lawyers above child-bearing age may be shot, even personal-injury attorneys. 3) Tax lawyer hunting season is the only time restriction, with the season running from May 1st to December 12th. "Of course, the usual standard hunting rules apply: no setting up lawyer-stands within a 10-mile radius of a courthouse, no money-licks, and no shooting 'em when they're seated," said Ranger Burton. "We Texans are hunters, pure and simple - there's nothing like bagging a 67 year-old corporate merger attorney at 200 yards with a compound bow. But you have to have standards, and you have to play by the rules and give 'em a fighting chance." The Vice President will more than likely receive a fine of $10,000, and may even be required to perform a few hours of community service. "I know that seems sorta harsh for just nailing a really old one with some bird-shot, but me and a few others suspect that this was what we call a 'canned hunt' – the Vice President invited the lawyer along. It ain't illegal per se, but a canned hunt is just plain wrong, and an insult to all of us who hunt lawyer the proper way." When asked for comment, White House Spokesman Scott McClelland confirmed that "Vice President Cheney did indeed pull the trigger which activated the primer which detonated, which caused a rapid formation of gas which pushed the shell which sent the pellets flying in the general direction of the lawyer. But he didn't know about that tax-lawyer loophole crap. 1 comment

 Ilsaeng

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