the straw that broke the horse's back Sep 19, 2008 10:07 pm 1708 Views i take on alot of things that i should not even take it on. from this last trip with BF, it has been so emotionally draining. i can't even imagine how much stress BF is going thru. hearing from him the last day before i was leaving that his father blames him for the mother's cancer. it hit me on how mean korean parents are to their kids. BF told me that they didn't mind that he brought in alot of money when he was doing some "unsettling" business but eversince he's been trying to live a straight path, he doesn't bring in enough. everyone regrets to a certain point about their past but does anyone deserve to put the blame on one person? i've seen the dysfunction of his family...every family has it's quirks and dysfunctions but to see my BF totally distraught that his father blames him for his mother's condition made me feel helpless and angry at the same time. it's not like his father makes the family life any better. he spends more money on his golf and church activities that more money is going out than coming in...just like my family. his family life isn't great...it sucks. but to put the blame on BF and not blame anyone else...it pissed me off. it's not BF's fault...all of his siblings have contributed. i tried my best to be anything and everything for him and his family. but i guess it wasn't enough. this last trip was literally the straw that broke my back. everyone was blaming me for doing things to make their life a little more pleasant. instead of saying thank you, they yelled at me for doing it. F--K!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i tried. i did my best. my next trip in december will be with XQ and i will be staying at a hotel or hostel. so everyone keep in mind we are thinking of coming the second week of december. we would love to meet with some of you for a quiet dinner or lunch...and for some of you guys...don't worry. i doubt BF has time to come out with XQ and i every night. 2 Comments

heartbroken... Sep 15, 2008 7:49 am 1586 Views no matter how much i worked, no matter how much i sweated, i couldn't relieve the stress that BF was feeling. his mother undergoes chemotherapy every Monday... she and i went to the market together yesterday and she was so weak. she even mentioned that she would lose all of her hair in about 2 months. i made light of the situation (bc i actually wanted to break down and cry) and said "i'll give you some of mine, i have enough to give both to my mom and you." she laughed. but i know she tried to remain strong. i simply couldn't do anything to make anyone feel better. despite all the raking, cleaning the floors, laundry every day, no matter what i did, it didn't relieve the stress. i lost like 7 pounds being here though. i guess it's a great way to lose weight. i know that it is selfish but i need to get back home and finish school, interview for firms, and hopefully receive an offer by the end of december. once i receive an offer it will be one less stress for me and my family. i pray to God everyday for BF and his family. i pray for the well-being for my family too. i am just stuck between a rock and a hard place. no matter what, i need to finish school and get into a firm for ME. then i can be less stressed...still stressed but one less, well two less things to worry about. then once i finish, i need to find a house in which to live, and hopefully XQ and i will begin our life in NYC/NJ. but the bottom line is, BF said he has come to the grips that his mom may not live long. i have witnessed that she is very weak, she's lost over 20 pounds since June. i hope for the best but i do, expect the worse. his mom and i got to spend alot of time together and she said she hopes that she lives to see another great thing happen next year. i hope so too...i hope she is there to see BF and i get married. i've packed up my things, i can't wait to see my pup and my parents. back to my reality!!! 8 Comments

TurtlesandTennis Unni... Sep 15, 2008 7:29 am 1481 Views Happy Birthday to you!!! cha-cha-cha Happy Birthday to you!!! cha-cha-cha Happy Birthday TNT Unni!!! Happy Birthday to you!!! Happy Birthday to the cutest Unni ever!!! 3 Comments

rake... Sep 13, 2008 8:47 pm 1504 Views i raked leaves for about an hour today at BF's house. bc he has an older brother that does nothing around the house, he just watched me as i took the rake out of the garage to rake the biggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg grassy areas around the house. he arrived with his kids and wife as i was strugglling to hold the rake. i didn't know rakes were so heavy. i didn't think raking leaves was going to make my arms feel like silly putty. i sweated alot due to the humidity too. i have about 5 places in which mosquitoes bit me. i didn't know they had a machine in which it gathers the leaves. oh wells...it was good exercise but...my arms are even hurting from typing. silly putty i say. i am sad i'm leaving in about a day and a half. it's kind of bittersweet. i miss my parents. yes...i did say that. all parents are a pain in the butt to some point, but you love them regardless. and i miss my pup most of all. i miss her snuggling next to me while we slept. i hope my dad brings her when he picks me up. need to make plans to come out again in december. bc the interview went so well, HR implied that i should make another trip out here to finalize things. hmmmm. hoping for the best. xq and i will make a trip out here...see for myself the big christmas tree lit up at rockefeller center. I'M SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED. school starts thursday. yuck. i am a little sad that i am leaving but...i need to get my crap done so i can move here by next summer. looking into buying a place too, before i get married, so in the meantime, XQ can live with me. hopefully housing prices will continue to decline enough so i can buy a place when i move out here so i don't have to move again once i get married. it would be great...make a house a home with one of my good friends, xq, and my guy. plus i found out there are a few of my old church friends that live in NYC so i won't be bored. i can't wait...so start my new life here. 8 Comments

got yelled out... Sep 10, 2008 11:21 am 1185 Views i really need to get used to the transit system here. i got on the wrong bus. well, technically i got on the right numbered bus, but i was supposed to get on the bus to the specific destination. my feet hurt so much from walking alittle bit today in heels but it was from wandering around NYC yesterday that made my feet swell even more. interview went well so hopefully i will be hearing great news from them in december. my heart felt a little heavy yesterday but then, i put my own future plans ahead of what was truly burdening my heart. honestly, i forgot about him even after my phone alarm went off to remind me of him. yesterday was my cousin's anniversary and my good friend patty texted me from cali to say she was thinking of me and my family. i can't believe it's been five years now since he's been gone. i still miss him. it still hurts that he is gone. i think after today's fiasco of a overpaid taxi cab ride and transit yelling episode, i can take time to think about my cousin. but then again, tomorrow is another anniversary to think about. 0 Comments

friendship... Sep 7, 2008 11:22 am 955 Views thru friendship, you are to challenge your friend to be the best they can be. thru friendship, you are to be the shoulder your friend cries on. thru friendship, you are to be the friend that gives constructive criticism when needed. thru friendship, you are to encourage your friend no matter what. thru friendship, you are to be the ears your friend relies on. thru friendship, you are to be the one that backs your friend in a fight. thru friendship, you are to walk along your friend's side. thru friendship, you are to be shaped and molded into the person you out to be. thru friendship, you are to advise but not control one's thinking. thru friendship, you need to know when to walk away from a bad friendship. thru friendship, you are to cherish the memories, but never go back to the past. thru friendship, you grow. __________________________________________________ just a few things i wanted to share with a few friends of mine from KFF. i thank you for being there for me. i cherish what i've learned and what i need to stay away from. thru some good and bad friendships, i know what true friendship is. i will never take your friendships for granted... thank you for being my friends. 0 Comments

sitting in my own puddle of sweat... Sep 6, 2008 11:02 am 959 Views BF left me this morning to go to work. sad that i don't have a whole day with him until tomorrow but i'm sitting here in my own puddle of sweat right now...sitting with his family, watching a korean drama. it's disgusting that it is this hot here. hot and humid. its gross...but i guess my skin is going to be radiant with a glow from all the humidity. i remember when i came back from dallas two years ago, my skin never looked so good bc of the humidity there. i was visiting my college best friend and her family (husband and daughter). as a positive outlook on this humidity, my skin will look good again for the next 9 more days. thank god for central AC but his sister and i didn't want to put it on until it was absolutely unbearable. i miss BF. got to spend like 15 minutes this morning before he went to work but it's not enough. at least we can play dress up tonight and spend some time together. gonna go spend time with the family now... see all of the NYC/CT/NJ peeps on Friday. 1 comment

3 more days... Aug 31, 2008 9:58 pm 1121 Views three more days until xq and i are in NYC... i get to see my honey... 6 Comments

cutest tshirts Aug 30, 2008 9:38 pm 840 Views this is the cutest tshirt ever for my baby. it says PUPPYROO 0 Comments

"smitten kitten" Aug 27, 2008 11:42 pm 892 Views i am a smitten kitten. was watching "friends" and the phrase smitten kitten came up. i am a smitten kitten. i can't wait to see my honey a week from tomorrow. 0 Comments

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