2009 Dec 31, 2008 12:29 pm 1569 Views Happy New Year everyone... wishing everyone a blessed New Year!! 10 Comments

when it rains, it pours... Dec 15, 2008 8:28 pm 1784 Views update on my ex's mom... i think she is not going to make it to the end of the year. she has numbness on her right leg and pain on the left...and the cancer came back in her brain as the same size as it was originally removed. he updates me whether or not i want it...but i do care though. a little place of my heart still aches for him. why???? why does it still ache for him???? it is true...that leona lewis song...better in time. i have to hope that next year will be a better year. finishing in march '09... 6 Comments

ex's mom's cancer Dec 2, 2008 2:43 pm 2125 Views my ex's mom is back in the hospital bc the cancer came back in her brain. i've had two friends that had family members pass away within the last month...everything comes in 3's. i do not think his mom has that long to live. i told him i send my condolences. that is the least i could wish him after all that he had put me through. but i do not feel anything for him. isn't that sad? i'm sad and sorry that his mom is going through pain and uncertainty but...i do not feel anything for him. he promised to pay me back at the end of the month bc he will start his new job at the yogurt place. hahahah...what a joke. he can't do anything outside of doing favors for that hyung and working for him. anyways...nearing the end of the year...going to get my money back and i get to finally close the door and the chapter of my ex in my life. maybe i should write a book about my dating experiences and have it be like the korean version of "sex in the city." many friends have come and gone...it'll be a trip to write all about it. i have alot of unique friends and had unique friends in the past. maybe...it'll be my next quest for the new year... 8 Comments

where does it go? Nov 25, 2008 10:39 pm 2516 Views where does love go when it ends? "it ends up in the trash can..." one states... when you have loved and have involved yourself in that person, you become that person. that love that was once shared is a part of that person. it'll always be a part of that person, it'll always be a part of you. when you want to embrace it, you can't. it just better to hold onto the good memories and walk away without looking back. i don't believe in fate. the ex said it was fate that we met. what is it now since it is over? where does love go when it ends? 7 Comments

starting over...2009 Nov 25, 2008 10:07 pm 1976 Views a little over a month left of 2008...i can't wait. learned alot, let go alot, loved alot, hurt alot. i can't wait for 2009. still waiting for certain doors to finally close and be bolted shut. but i know it'll never be open once it is bolted. it is shut closed from my past relationship. but a few windows have opened. an old friendship started again...i am glad for that. it's good to have deep friendships. my friend reassured me that it will take time still and it'll hurt alot more before it heals, before it completely heals. maybe new possibilities of new loves? dunno... i am not about to jump into another. i still know that i need time. i am still bitter and hurt but understand that if i was in his position, i'd shut down too. nothing is working out for him. but it is not my problem anymore. i look for new things for me and my new life in 2009!!! 2 Comments

"If I Were a Boy" Nov 21, 2008 9:27 pm 2055 Views Lyrics to If I Were A Boy : [Verse] If I were a boy Even just for a day I'd roll outta bed in the morning And throw on what I wanted then go Drink beer with the guys And chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted And I'd never get confronted for it. Cause they'd stick up for me. [Chorus] If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed [Verse] If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they'd think that I was sleepin' alone I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go Cause I know that she'd be faithful Waitin' for me to come home (to come home) [Chorus] If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted (wanted) Cause he's taken you for granted (granted) And everything you had got destroyed [Vamp1] It's a little too late for you to come back Say its just a mistake Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You thought wrong [Male] You know when you act like that I don't think you realize how it makes me look or feel [Beyonce] Act like what Why are you so jealous It's not like i'm sleeping with the guy [Male] What [Beyonce] What [Male] I said yo Why are you so jealous It aint like I'm sleepin with the girl [Vamp2] But you're just a boy You don't understand Yeah you don't understand How it feels to love a girl someday You wish you were a better man You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted Cause you've taken her for granted And everything you have got destroyed But you're just a boy 1 comment

all shapes and sizes... Nov 17, 2008 3:54 pm 2340 Views stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. i know that everyone comes from different cultures and backgrounds. but please everyone...keep an open mind to things and listen. ignorance and stupidity aren't bliss... 2 Comments

my new obessession Nov 10, 2008 8:41 am 2707 Views pilates... i am so sore. sore in places i never knew had muscles...well, since studying anatomy, i know. but still. i can't wait for my body to transform into the lean body as those pilates freaks. in the place i go workout, there is a pic of a girl in a sports bra and cute pants outfit. she is lean, sculpted, and fit. i used to be on my way to skinny and lean before BF happened. thru stress, worry, and then lack of happiness at the end, i gained. not again...i am going to go full force on this...even if i am to be in debt...i am going to charge it on my card and get lean, sculpted, and fit!!! 5 Comments

shoes Nov 6, 2008 11:11 pm 2344 Views so...have you worn the shoes i bought you? there is a korean symbolism and folk tale regarding buying shoes for someone you care about/love. you are not to buy shoes for someone whom you love or care about...for you are giving them a reason to leave u. if you buy shoes for that person, you are secretly wanting them out of your life or have them walk away from you. i guess i did that unknowingly. i heard that one time before and heard that from someone recently. so, yes, i was mourning at the loss of us and your promises of a good life. but seeing how you're struggling now, it foretells alot of what my life would have been with you. i know you have a long struggle before you. i am glad you walked away. it spared me a life of heartbreak and hardships. at times i'm sad but...your current status and your current ways of handling things and the ways you mistreated me, brings me back to reality. its ironic isn't it? you gave me such a hard time when i spent money but yet you can't even pay me back. you said i was your soulmate. was i really? or was it that timing was wrong? one day...maybe our paths will cross again...but i hope you are successful and not struggling. i will then ask how much money you make. i knew what i was getting into when we decided to be together. but if our paths do cross again...i will need to make sure you're making enough money to provide. i hope through this hardship, you are able to stand on your own two feet and not count on a woman to make you into something. i hope you will work hard and not struggle with money. i think you should go back to school to learn a trade. i don't think you should be counting on your hyung to be there for you, he shouldn't be your only fallback guy. having your own business nowadays, it's not a safe bet especially with the economy. and unfortunately your parents are not going to be around forever either to help you out. there are only two things that are guaranteed in life: death and taxes. you can only count on yourself...because at the end of the day and at the end of your life, you only have yourself. 1 comment

interesting thing i heard... Oct 30, 2008 10:27 pm 2723 Views it was weird, i was listening to steve harvey in the morning. some lady wrote to him complaining how her man was a crack head. she married him knowing he "used to be" a crackhead. she thinks that he's using again. but she still wanted to stand by her man. he was stating that...how can you stand by your man when he doesn't stand by you? it hit me...he was so right. how can a woman stand by her man when he doesn't stand by you. or even, when he can't even stand on his own. how is he supposed to stand by you when he can't do it for himself? in any case, the wound is still fresh, but healing. i have a couple guys in my life now as my good friends that bring me hope. well...men are men...boys are boys...guys are guys...but...they are good guys. 3 Comments

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