Does feeling guilty reduce the amount of guilt? Dec 16, 2008 10:06 am 1264 Views If it does, what is the use of apologizing? I realized that I have always apologized for minor small mistakes. I am not obliged to do so but it was expected of me. I apologized for replying late to emails. I apologized for the inability to fork out extra time for my pals. I apologized for not smiling when I'm upset. I apologized for being angry. Yea it's true that feelings are felt using our brain. It is true that being angry is an unproductive source of energy. I should be rational and should waste my energy on being angry. But sometimes, I let my heart takes control instead of my brains. Why must I apologize when ppl get upset cause I can't meet up to their expectations? Why do ppl expect so much from me then? They should know that no matter how nice I am, no matter how unmoved I am, like a rock when they agitates me, there is a limit to everything. It is fine with me if you jokes about me being a bimbo/materialistic/High maintainence/bitch lady, but if things get overboarding I won't hesistate to be nasty. I see no obligations to please ppl or just let them get their ways.Sometimes, I find it a tedious chore to apologise. What's the use anyway? If you know that you will make the same mistake again. Apologizing gives you a chance to repeat your mistakes instead of repenting. I apologize for the sake of being polite not because I'm sorry. I won't feel guilty just because it makes me feel better. Cause you know that at least you are feeling bad. It makes you feel at ease which makes you forgets about repenting. I have no idea why I felt so stongly about this. Maybe I am just tired of pleasing everyone. I am not a goddess. I am a human. Humans make mistakes. Humans can't please everyone. 1 comment

I'm feeling blessed~ Dec 15, 2008 11:38 am 1126 Views Few weeks ago my life was so screwed up that I couldn’t find any motivation at all. Now, few weeks later, my life is really beautiful. I no longer find something amiss. I am no longer thinking of him. I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t think of him anymore. I don’t brood over the past anymore. I understand that I really had to let go this time. I don’t have much time to waste. I don’t place odds on bets of which I’m uncertain of. Best part of all, I’m no longer having really bad insomnia. Sure, I might not sleep for 6 hours per day but at least I’m able to fall asleep! Life is becoming so BEAUTIFUL! B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!! M-A-R-V-E-L-L-O-U-S!! E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T!! Went out for an movie outing with SH, MM and JES. really had alot of fun!For lunch I had popcorn and a cup of coke.For dinner we dined at Shoduku Japanese pasta and pizza.I had garlic toast, miso soup with clams, tori karaage with tomato cream sauce pasta. 1 waffle ice cream cone (matcha).I had lemon juice after that. When I reached home, I consumed chicken pie bread of sushi bread roll. I'm really such a glutton!! Can't wait for christmas to arrive so I can indulge in all those festive goods!! 0 Comments

A good friend is more than a thousand acquaintances~ Dec 14, 2008 6:28 pm 1114 Views Working session with Jeslyn yesterday was marvellous! We reached home late though. At around 12am? I was so sleepy that I fall asleep while working. Thank goddess Elaine wasn’t there. Or I can bid my co-workers goodbye. Had such fun with JESLYN! We laughed like maniacs when we realized that 5 ppl standing in a row are looking down at us. Crapping about them swaying in the same direction when the Christmas carols flows in. Ran 500 meters to catch a bus. Cause Ying was inside the bus -.- I’m so glad that I get to know Jeslyn. It has been 4 years since I first met her. From strangers to mutual dislike. From mutual dislike to acquaintances. From acquaintances to friends. From friends to good friends. From good friends to chummy besties. It has been a long walk. We watched each other grow up from a kid to a young adult. It is a blessing to know her. She took away some of my fears and assured me. She watched me cry and wiped away my tears. She joked around with me. Yet I have said something to hurt her in these 4 years. NOT SOMETHING BUT ALOT OF THINGS. My persona, I believe, told her that I hate her. I don’t remember saying such things but Jeslyn insisted I did. I guess I did so. How can I spew this word ‘hate’ so easily? How can I feel this extreme hatred to someone who loves me? Maybe it’s my persona. I’m protecting myself. But now, I’m fine and yes, I can say that when I’m with her, my personality wins over my persona. Thanks pal. For being there for me. Thanks for not prying when I refused to talk. Thanks for making me laugh genuinely instead of faking one. Thanks for reminding me who I am. Thanks for guiding me to the right path. Thanks for admitting to me that you’re afraid to lose me. Thanks for telling me you want me as a close friend. Thanks for appreciating it when I tried to make time for you no matter how busy I am. Thanks for all those great words / compliments / assurance / love / care / concerns. I love you. You’re more than a friend and a lover. I love you, Jeslyn. 0 Comments

 Clover1

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