rumors are true...
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Last Read: |
yes, the rumors are true. my BF and i have gone our separate ways. before people come to judgement on why we split up let me tell you why we did. i love him and he loves me. but we are not at the same place anymore. coming back from his place, i really didn't want the relationship anymore. his mom is dying of cancer, undergoing chemotherapy and radiation...how could i walk away from that without looking like a biatch from hell. i was very tired. emotionally drained. not appreciated. this is all before marriage. before engagement. it was too much. he didn't give me the attention i deserved when i was there either. but i couldn't break it off. so...he finally realized that he couldn't do this to me. he was too drained from his own work and family problems that he didn't have anything else to give me. while i neglected my own sanity, my own strength, my own energy, i did everything possible to make him and his family life better when i was there. i should not have gone. i started resenting him and his family for taking advantage of my love and goodwill. he broke it off but i am glad bc i couldn't do it. i was hoping to hear that she would be in full recovery and on her way to full remission. hoping that he would change to the man i fell in love with. hoping to get back the love we once had...if he didn't turn back to himself again when his mom recovered, i wamted to break it off then. they say that family stress and tragedy is when you see the true colors of a person. i have been walking on egg shells for the past two months with him. i didn't want to have this type of relationship. i've thought of breaking up when i was there...but how could i? everything and anything that could have gone wrong with a family structure happened while i was there. i was there to be everyone's punching bag. i cooked, i cleaned, i did dishes, i laundered their clothes, i raked, i swept their driveway, i folded their laundry, cleaned their kitchen, went to the grocery store with them...all i could do is sit there and talk everyone's yelling at each other. and them apologizing to me for their frustrations. but yet everything i did wasn't enough. i gave it my all for eleven days. i couldn't take it anymore. it would have been bearable if he was more supportive too but he wasn't. he took out his frustrations on me or would just shut down. i could not be in a destructive relationship. so yes, BF and i are no longer but i could not take the abuse anymore from him and his family. not a day went by that his grandmother didn't yell at me...correction, one day there was peace and quiet. but that was because she stayed at her apartment. i couldn't stand the constant yelling from everyone in the house. i do love him but i wanted to keep my sanity and the love we once shared. it's too much for one person to handle. it would have been different if he and i were married...maybe i could have handled it better. BF reminded me too much of my father during this time too. a man emotionally unavailable, pissed off at the littlest things, would burst into a rage unexplained. and if you thought it was just him, it was all his siblings, his parents, and his grandmother. they all had personalities like typhoons and volcanoes. so...tell me all the women out there...as an outsider wanting to come into a new family structure...could you tolerate this? i am deeply sad for our relationship being over because we did truly love one another. but these last two months have been complete torture for me. so i am mad that they didn't appreciate me, pissed off that we don't have the same love we had before, but relieved that this burden will no longer be mine. maybe if his mom is in remission, things will settle down. or even worse, she doesn't make it, they can finally mourn and come together as a family (i am praying for remission). maybe when the economy gets a little better, he'll feel more financially secure. but...if those things do not happen, we will not have a future. i will not be able to take his volcanic episodes. so i am completely walking away from it. if it is meant to be, our paths will cross again and he'll beg for me to be in his life again. but i am not holding my breath. too much for me. |
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10/30/2008 12:09 am |
thank you...i feel like you know my heart already... Time heals all wounds...Make the best of your single life now b4 the next relationship.
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10/29/2008 5:25 pm |
Well, what's said is done. Still, it is like a death. Like it or not, he WAS and will remain a part of your past. Now is the time to move on. Get your life tg...get out there and smell the lovely roses and find that green grass on the other side. I have yet to find it myself. With all this said and done, sometimes it is best to let bygones be bygones and leave it at that. IF you cannot remain friends, then that is your choice and yours alone. Don't hang around, waiting for him to come back when you definitely deserve better!!! There is someone out there waiting to treat you like a QUEEN, like you so deserve to be treated. Heck, we all deserve that kind of ROYAL treatment, don't you think? I continue to wish you all the best. Now is the time to take care of yourself and do things for yourself. Do those things that you wanted to do but never had the opportunity to do them. Meet people, get out and start living your life as best as you can. You only have one life to live, so make the best of it without any regrets whatsoever! Do what YOU feel is right, not what others tell you to do. You know yourself better than anyone else does, so YOU GO GIRL!  
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10/29/2008 1:12 am |
Hello Azn HI Grl, Thank you for your kind words. I hope you endure your hardships also. Yes, I am glad that I didn't marry him and then a couple of years to be divorced. It would be wonderful for him to come back and beg for me. But, I already know how the future looks for us because of how he handled things. So, I know that I cannot take him back. We'd marry and divorce shortly after. So...there is no future for us and will never have a future...not even friendship. He sucks as a friend so how can he say he wants to remain best friends. I laugh at his theory!!! With all this said and done, sometimes it is best to let bygones be bygones and leave it at that. IF you cannot remain friends, then that is your choice and yours alone. Don't hang around, waiting for him to come back when you definitely deserve better!!! There is someone out there waiting to treat you like a QUEEN, like you so deserve to be treated. Heck, we all deserve that kind of ROYAL treatment, don't you think? I continue to wish you all the best. Now is the time to take care of yourself and do things for yourself. Do those things that you wanted to do but never had the opportunity to do them. Meet people, get out and start living your life as best as you can. You only have one life to live, so make the best of it without any regrets whatsoever! Do what YOU feel is right, not what others tell you to do. You know yourself better than anyone else does, so YOU GO GIRL!
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10/27/2008 8:50 am |
Annyeonghaseyo... I have been there, done that, almost similar like you when I was with my x-husband for nearly 10 yrs! Glad to hear you are finally thinking of yourself for once. I'm sure in some due time, He and his family will grow to appreciate all the wonderful things you have done for them. When you are gone, it is then that they appreciate you, but by that time, it is too late. I can understand why it is still hard for you. I was once told that it is like a "death", so mourn as much as you want to. It's ok and absolutely normal! In fact, sometimes, a good cry also helps. It's also a good idea to have good friends you can trust and talk openly to about your feelings. And, I also find it helpful myself to "blog" about things too, and nice to get some feedback. I have been a member on AFF-Asian Friend Finder for over a year and also back and forth on KFF. I am mostly on Korean FriendFinder and do a lot of blogs myself there, so please feel free to look me up under the same handle as here on KFF. I pray that you will find peace within yourself with all that has been going on. Currently, I am in a different & difficult situation, and am also trying to "hang in there" as best as I possibly can. At times I also ask myself, "when will I see that green grass on the other side?" We need to learn to be patient and in God's time (not ours), thngs will work itself out for the better. Trust that God will heal all wounds. Until then, take time for yourself...smell the roses...things appear differently with rose colored glasses... I have learned that the pain never goes away...but...fortunately, we learn to manage or pain so that we can go on with our lives. Thank God you had no kids involved. I have 3 kids and am single parenting, which is very tough! Hang in there! Haeng-uneul bireoyo! Annyeonghi gaseyo! Thank you for your kind words. I hope you endure your hardships also. Yes, I am glad that I didn't marry him and then a couple of years to be divorced. It would be wonderful for him to come back and beg for me. But, I already know how the future looks for us because of how he handled things. So, I know that I cannot take him back. We'd marry and divorce shortly after. So...there is no future for us and will never have a future...not even friendship. He sucks as a friend so how can he say he wants to remain best friends. I laugh at his theory!!!
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10/27/2008 3:51 am |
Annyeonghaseyo... I have been there, done that, almost similar like you when I was with my x-husband for nearly 10 yrs! Glad to hear you are finally thinking of yourself for once. I'm sure in some due time, He and his family will grow to appreciate all the wonderful things you have done for them. When you are gone, it is then that they appreciate you, but by that time, it is too late. I can understand why it is still hard for you. I was once told that it is like a "death", so mourn as much as you want to. It's ok and absolutely normal! In fact, sometimes, a good cry also helps. It's also a good idea to have good friends you can trust and talk openly to about your feelings. And, I also find it helpful myself to "blog" about things too, and nice to get some feedback. I have been a member on AFF-Asian Friend Finder for over a year and also back and forth on KFF. I am mostly on Korean FriendFinder and do a lot of blogs myself there, so please feel free to look me up under the same handle as here on KFF. I pray that you will find peace within yourself with all that has been going on. Currently, I am in a different & difficult situation, and am also trying to "hang in there" as best as I possibly can. At times I also ask myself, "when will I see that green grass on the other side?" We need to learn to be patient and in God's time (not ours), thngs will work itself out for the better. Trust that God will heal all wounds. Until then, take time for yourself...smell the roses...things appear differently with rose colored glasses... I have learned that the pain never goes away...but...fortunately, we learn to manage or pain so that we can go on with our lives. Thank God you had no kids involved. I have 3 kids and am single parenting, which is very tough! Hang in there! Haeng-uneul bireoyo! Annyeonghi gaseyo!
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10/10/2008 11:36 pm |
Hey Jules im sorry to hear the news..Keep ur head up..Theres always another brighter day!
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10/10/2008 1:50 am |
Hey Jules im sorry to hear the news..Keep ur head up..Theres always another brighter day!
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10/9/2008 10:43 am |
he's a taurus...when they stress out, they collide and fall apart. they can't deal with stress well. it brings me some comfort...but there are so many other stressors in life. how is he going to handle even more pressing issues. not saying his mom's condition isn't a serious matter. but...
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10/7/2008 12:20 am |
passion is what we shared, passion is now what we lack due to stress. i don't think time will mend it. i do hope...one day i may get the man i loved back but i think he needs to fix his own life and be there for his mom. i'm healthy. she is not.
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10/6/2008 10:52 pm |
Jules, if you need to talk.. I'm here for you.. chin up, my friend.. you are in my prayers..
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10/6/2008 10:23 pm |
Jules, if you need to talk.. I'm here for you.. chin up, my friend.. you are in my prayers..
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10/5/2008 9:48 am |
Dangerousbeauty. Do you know? That this morning sun have risen? ...because of you? Do you know? That autumn is here? ...winning his place over passed summer ...because he have missed you so much? Do you know? That weathers are so dynamic? ...because they are all fighting over you? ...so they can embrace you? Can you hear? That pain is so sorry? ...but he decided to choose you? ...because he loves you so much? And he promise that he will try to leave you soon? ...for you. I hope you know... that just like so many people here... the nature is dancing and blooming and they are whispering the serenade of encouragement... because they simply do ...for you. It is very obvious that you have fallen real hard. But it is also this moment I believe is your turn to take break and relax. All forms of nature will nurture your scars until you can carry yourself up again. I know that day will come ...and embrace you warm once again. I sincerely hope you will feel better.  JTV. Its hard.
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10/5/2008 1:21 am |
Dangerousbeauty. Do you know? That this morning sun have risen? ...because of you? Do you know? That autumn is here? ...winning his place over passed summer ...because he have missed you so much? Do you know? That weathers are so dynamic? ...because they are all fighting over you? ...so they can embrace you? Can you hear? That pain is so sorry? ...but he decided to choose you? ...because he loves you so much? And he promise that he will try to leave you soon? ...for you. I hope you know... that just like so many people here... the nature is dancing and blooming and they are whispering the serenade of encouragement... because they simply do ...for you. It is very obvious that you have fallen real hard. But it is also this moment I believe is your turn to take break and relax. All forms of nature will nurture your scars until you can carry yourself up again. I know that day will come ...and embrace you warm once again. I sincerely hope you will feel better. "If I could lead you into the promised land, i could lead you back out again."
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10/4/2008 3:24 pm |
even though i am in agreement of the breakup, why haven't i put myself together? i'm depressed, i'm sad, i'm lonely. it went from talking every day to not talking at all. i can't seem to get out of this. i don't have pleasant thoughts.
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10/2/2008 10:12 pm |
J - I'm really sorry to hear that you and your BF are no longer together. Although it's really difficult right now, remember time heals and mends. Time is the cure for a broken heart/mind/soul. I am a firm believer in this. Whatever happens with you and your ex-BF in the future, please take care of your well-being first (emotionally, mentally and physically). _neuro_ thank you. i wanted you to meet him when i was out there. it would have been good to meet up. thank you for your kind words. yeah, whatever happens to us in the future, it'll take time for both of us time to heal. especially him. it was hard to see this strong woman wither away from june to sept. and i am sure she doesn't look any better since i've been gone. it's hard to see a loved one wither away. but i did lose my beloved cousin and grandmother within five months of each other. so i know the pain and turmoil he is going thru. so i understand. but hurt. i love him. and he loves me. we just have to do our own thing for now.
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10/2/2008 9:58 pm |
Aw DB... I'm so sorry to hear this. Be strong and take care of yourself.
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10/2/2008 9:47 pm |
J - I'm really sorry to hear that you and your BF are no longer together. Although it's really difficult right now, remember time heals and mends. Time is the cure for a broken heart/mind/soul. I am a firm believer in this. Whatever happens with you and your ex-BF in the future, please take care of your well-being first (emotionally, mentally and physically). _neuro_
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10/2/2008 9:10 pm |
Aw DB... I'm so sorry to hear this. Be strong and take care of yourself.
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10/1/2008 7:58 pm |
Jules, I'm sorry you are going thru this, however, I am glad you both realized this was not for both of you now. If you want to talk or you want me to just listen I'm here for you... Christine
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10/1/2008 5:51 pm |
Jules, I'm sorry you are going thru this, however, I am glad you both realized this was not for both of you now. If you want to talk or you want me to just listen I'm here for you... Christine
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10/1/2008 5:22 pm |
Oh Jules! My sweet Jules!  Thinking of you........ Spider 
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10/1/2008 5:21 pm |
When a relationship emotionally drains you it is best to take a step back. What is that saying sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps fwd. The stress that you were both under between working and studying and being long distance just got crushed under his mothers illness. Then when you were here his family saw you and leaned on you never realizing that you were also sad and stressed. RIght now is your time. The time to focus on you and be away from that situaiton and his moms illness. You dont have to give up any of your happiness anymore to make sure anyone else is alright.
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10/1/2008 2:55 pm |
Oh Jules! My sweet Jules! Thinking of you........ Spider
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10/1/2008 1:34 pm |
When a relationship emotionally drains you it is best to take a step back. What is that saying sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps fwd. The stress that you were both under between working and studying and being long distance just got crushed under his mothers illness. Then when you were here his family saw you and leaned on you never realizing that you were also sad and stressed. RIght now is your time. The time to focus on you and be away from that situaiton and his moms illness. You dont have to give up any of your happiness anymore to make sure anyone else is alright.
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10/1/2008 8:49 am |
but after time goes by ...
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10/1/2008 8:07 am |
but after time goes by ... KORN 
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9/30/2008 9:56 pm |
My empathy to you, DB.
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9/30/2008 9:54 pm |
jules, i didn't even know that there were rumors... anyway, i'm sorry to hear that... hopefully with time, you'll heal... sabine
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9/30/2008 9:54 pm |
Sounds like you gave it your all, so you never know, things may work out yet. I am not gonna rant long, offer advice, or words of wisdom. Just give some acknowledgement and sympathy regarding what has happened. i gave it my all so i do not doubt anything that i have done. i did everything out of love.
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9/30/2008 8:54 pm |
My empathy to you, DB.
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9/30/2008 8:35 pm |
jules, i didn't even know that there were rumors... anyway, i'm sorry to hear that... hopefully with time, you'll heal... sabine
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 9/30/2008 6:16 pm |
Sounds like you gave it your all, so you never know, things may work out yet. I am not gonna rant long, offer advice, or words of wisdom. Just give some acknowledgement and sympathy regarding what has happened.
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