lost...
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i feel so lost. after coming back from my trip to the east coast, i feel overwhelmed. i feel that my tragedy from 2003, losing my cousin and my grandfather the same year, it's playing in my head over and over again. now it's playing over and over for BF and his family...in my head. i feel defenseless about not being able to be there for BF's mom. i am trying to keep hope alive when BF expects the worst. not only that, returning to the car today from church service with my mom, i ran into a guy i once dated. i think that is why i feel lost. why is it that an encounter with a guy that was overwhelmingly attentive, always demeaning, rude to everyone, and was so selfish...how could that alter my mood so much. his parents thought i didn't have enough education to meet with their "educated backgrounds." on top of that, my parents loved him just because he was a lawyer. he had no personality and he was fat. i didn't like him...but he loved me, well so he claimed. when i saw him, he didn't change much, he is still unsure of himself (he couldn't look at me in the eyes today) and fat. i'm sure he still doesn't have a personality or develop a better one. why am i in a foul mood because of him? i ended it. but why does he still bother me? i never liked him...but i've been in a foul mood eversince. it's everything. my parents being demanding, school, work, my future life with BF. i am struggling to balance work and school. i've neglected my friends because i'm just so exhausted from everything. then to constantly worry about my BF's well-being and his mom's well-being. then to take care of things within my own family life...it's overwhelming. i'm sorry i am rambling but struggling to keep my sanity among everything that i worry about and among everything i care about. |
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9/28/2008 9:19 pm |
hang in there ! 
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9/28/2008 9:11 pm |
hang in there ! KORN 
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