I want....
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1/26/2007 12:11 pmLast Read: |
That was really nice to see all the commands in my blog. Thanks guys. I am actually not a strong and couraging person as I could feel the pain and weakness inside. I tried to get myself busy so that I won't be crushed. I am really going through a hard time now as all the pressures are coming up to me. School, work and family, em, life is not easy to carry on... I was brought up in a very well respected family while having both parent being doctors and a lawyer brother. Now it is my turn to get all the attention. I cannot cry in front of people cuz mum used to tell me to be strong, even just protenting to be as no body will actually care. I'll have to stand up by myself at where I fell, no matter how tough it is. I listened to her. And I did it; I felt proud of myself that I aced school. Now that I am graduating from pharmacy. However as I grown up, I figured that there is definitely something missing in my life. I don't really ahve a lot of friends; well, I am really socialable but there isn't anyone I could turn to when I am lonely and upset.Isn't that sad? at the age of 20, not having a single good friend.hehe, I might just be laughing at myself. I never really had a warm family neither. Both my parents are highly respected. They even work in different countries, ah ha, I didnot get to see them often. My brother, Simon, he is really a good son to my parents as he did exactly what they wanted. Had a nice school education, a nice job, now that he will soon get married with a nice girl. I used to ask him, and he told me that is life, he is ok with it. emmmm, it might just be me. I am the only exception in my family. I was really a shame to them I guess. Remember when I told my father that I wanted to get into fashion design instead of pharmacy, he told me if I was goona do that I would be out of this family. Ahhhh, I want to scream but I am scared. I want to cry but I am scared. I want to laugh but I am scared. I want to freak but I am scared. I am scared that someboy will hear me. however I really want to be heared from the bottom of my heart. I want to hold my mum's hands and wispering to her. I want to have a walk with father after dinner. I want to have a nice and solid conversation with my brother... I want a family. I want to be loved. I want to love... But why is it not OK? I just don't get it. When he came into my life I got relly excited I thought I found the answer but I was wrong again. hahaha Life really is just a joke to me, meaningless... |
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1/26/2007 5:32 pm |
You are a fighting Life enjoy person have a wrong but we have a hope
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1/26/2007 7:05 pm |
Hi Angel. Your parents love you, and that they want you to be successful and indpendent when you become an adult. They want you to pursue pharmacy, because you have the potential to make more money than in fashion design, in general. However, if you truly hate pharmacy, you have to make a choice. Don't fight your parents. Perhaps after you become a pharmacist, you can then study fashion? You are still young. That is my two cents.
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1/27/2007 1:11 am |
Angel, What I understood with my past experience(i.e. failing or giving up things) is.. When we start something( A study or Job I mean here ), We must finish. Because If we don't finish, it'll cause to your mental and emotional state like " I'm doing nothing good and I don't know what I want to do.." And I don't think it's going to help the future either. We'll know through the experience that it worth or not. Plus, We don't regret to do not give up in the middle of process of learning or working. Your wandering is just like everybody does I think. But please don't give up what you are doing right now. Make your own projects and plans to arrive to your goal..but Take your time and try to finish what you are always doing. Step by step. I think everything has own their terms and right times. However, It's good to take out what you having from inside and write it down..right?  have good day.
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1/27/2007 10:39 am |
hi angel, I tears just kept rolling down my cheeks when i kept reading. I understand how you feel. Its been nine years now for me being alone. I really understand how you really yearn for someone to love you when you feel that you could not open up to your family. But be careful for seeking love just because you really in need of one coz it will end up hurting yourself badly. Im saying this coz it happened to me. I don't really have lots of friend too and till now i still don't have a soul mate who are ready to be there for me when i need them. Seriously, when i read what you really want you reminded me of myself i was once before. But now life teaches me to use more of my head rather than listen to my heart. I might to very lonely now, half heartedly seeking love and suppress all desires that i have but i know that im strong and i believe you are too. Believe me, what happened is to your advantage. This guy is not realistic and you should carry on with your life and be happy. You're still young and there's many guys out there for you to make friends first and know them better before making any commitment. For me i rather be alone rather than getting hurt from a guy who is unrealistic and smear the real meaning of pure love. Lastly, you are not alone! Hope you understand what im trying to say here. Be happy, you got long way to go.....
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2/4/2007 3:49 pm |
To understand each person path is very unperditable. The best thing for me is to understand each step I take its my own dignity. We are free to choose what we want. Sometime parent don't understand because they think they know us better than we know ourself. If we step a step of our dream, of cause we has to respect our parents. For everything we evenuatlly we think of our family. Look at the people in the ophanage they really want to have a family, see sometime life doesn't seem fair. I know for sure we are all blessed in some way thats why we still has a family. I look at those people without parent make me feel sorry for them. And here I am sometime didn't get much time with my family, because they has different ideas and we all has different believe. Then agian family we has only one blood mother and father and sister and brother. Wife or husband we can sometime has a few if the word divoce was excersised..
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