Fear of Commitment
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Last Read: |
So I had a great time with my friends last night and at some point, the date I had a while ago was brought up during the conversation. I went out with a girl who's a friend of my friend's and on our second date, she started talking about marriage which freaked me out. And I didn't ask her out again which upset my friend and she told me I have a fear of commitment to which I responded by saying both of them are nuts. lol I've talked to a few females about this and most of them think I do have a fear of commitment. Do I? Really?  I do love my freedom as a single man but don't really think I have a fear of commitment as I don't mind having a monogamous relationship. I'm not against open relationships either and think they have their own pros and cons but having someone who cares for me and I can care for is very nice. But I don't want to pursue a relationship based on marriage when I don't even know if I want to commit myself to one person for the rest of my life. There are many people who are still single, afraid of commitment, yet are very lonely. They resist commitment because of their fears. These fears come from different places, from actual experiences with the opposite sex or from ingrained fears early in life. But none of these apply to me!!! I do, however, have quite a negative view on the institution of marriage which I developed later in my life due to the fact that many of my friends are divorced which drained them a lot emotionally and financially. Hmm...maybe I'm afraid of commitment. I don't know what it is but I'll just keep enjoying my life the way it is and go with the flow for now. 
|
||
4/18/2008 2:08 am |
Hey Sean, As you know, the fear of commitment and deciding that the institution of marriage is not for you are not necessarily the same thing. The girl who began talking about marriage on the second date probably wants to get married and that's ok too... just that she may have assumed that's what you wanted too. I'd simply let her know how you feel about the institution of marriage and that you are not against monogamous relationship. As you say, there are many singles, but not all are afraid of commitment. The fear of commitment may not be the reason why they chose to be single. Like you, they may have decided that the institution of marriage is unrealistic and has high potential for detrimental outcomes.
| ||
4/18/2008 7:17 am |
Sean.. I remember agreeing marriage is outdated ritual, and more I think about it, the more I agree. It's like a deed, a paper of ownership? Commitment.. it is scary having to pay mortgage for a life time without being able to sell the house? I like that open relationship idea better, .. but it'll be like renting forever and no place to call 'my own' to be able to have comfortable retirement? errr, sorry for this confusion.. yeah, go with the flow until you find that right one. 
| ||
 4/18/2008 8:03 am |
Marriage is a piece of paper? You have that wrong. marriage is a worldwide tradition of a couple openly declaring to their community that they are now a couple and will do things together from now on as if each are on had from the same body. When you decide you want to have children with someone will you not want to provide these children with a safe and stable family environment for the rest of their lives? Even children in their 30's and 40's can be ripped apart by their parents' divorce because the parent-child relationship never ends - it only changes. The parents are the base and the rock upon which the child builds their life. If the child mucks up, even in their 40's, they will often go home to their parents and start over again. So, the parents being the bedrock for their childrens lives, the marriage forms the glue of that bedrock. It signals to the children that their parents have made an open declaration to all of their peers and everyone they meet that they are in fact a couple. People enter into marriage voluntarily in the west because it bestows onto the recipients and their family and friends the knowledge that those two people will share their lives together. So if you don't want marriage then you wither haven't found someone you love enough to want children or you just hate or are afraid of commitment.
| ||
4/18/2008 8:04 am |
Sean, You know my opinion on this subject!!! Christine
| ||
4/18/2008 8:40 am |
owen.. err you are right about some. I wasn't even thinking about children.. I was only focusing between a man and a woman, and nothing on the long run. You really have something there!
| ||
4/18/2008 10:39 am |
Sean, You are not afraid of commitment. You are afraid of making a bad choice and marrying the wrong person. And you are afraid of being divorced and bitter like your friends. But if you met the right person, I am sure that you would marry her.  MK
| ||
4/18/2008 10:55 am |
Better late than sorry! Judging from the divorce stats, perhaps more people can afford to be a bit more cautious. That being said, recent studies suggest that a father's age also contributes to some birth defects, so don't wait too long! =P Hope you find a nice girl one day, Sean! Gia
| ||
4/18/2008 10:56 am |
OH yeah - and enjoy your freedom while you're single and fancy free!
| ||
4/18/2008 9:01 pm |
If they mention marriage...........RUN !!!!!!! KORN
| ||
4/23/2008 10:13 pm |
Hey Sean, As you know, the fear of commitment and deciding that the institution of marriage is not for you are not necessarily the same thing. The girl who began talking about marriage on the second date probably wants to get married and that's ok too... just that she may have assumed that's what you wanted too. I'd simply let her know how you feel about the institution of marriage and that you are not against monogamous relationship. As you say, there are many singles, but not all are afraid of commitment. The fear of commitment may not be the reason why they chose to be single. Like you, they may have decided that the institution of marriage is unrealistic and has high potential for detrimental outcomes. Well, the problem is most of girls won't even pursue a relationship with a guy who's not interested in marriage 'cause they think it's a waste of time. lol
| ||
4/23/2008 10:15 pm |
Marriage is a piece of paper? You have that wrong. marriage is a worldwide tradition of a couple openly declaring to their community that they are now a couple and will do things together from now on as if each are on had from the same body. When you decide you want to have children with someone will you not want to provide these children with a safe and stable family environment for the rest of their lives? Even children in their 30's and 40's can be ripped apart by their parents' divorce because the parent-child relationship never ends - it only changes. The parents are the base and the rock upon which the child builds their life. If the child mucks up, even in their 40's, they will often go home to their parents and start over again. So, the parents being the bedrock for their childrens lives, the marriage forms the glue of that bedrock. It signals to the children that their parents have made an open declaration to all of their peers and everyone they meet that they are in fact a couple. People enter into marriage voluntarily in the west because it bestows onto the recipients and their family and friends the knowledge that those two people will share their lives together. So if you don't want marriage then you wither haven't found someone you love enough to want children or you just hate or are afraid of commitment.
| ||
4/23/2008 10:17 pm |
Sean, You are not afraid of commitment. You are afraid of making a bad choice and marrying the wrong person. And you are afraid of being divorced and bitter like your friends. But if you met the right person, I am sure that you would marry her. MK You know what the problem is? I don't think there's such a thing as the right person. There's always a better person for you.
| ||
4/23/2008 10:18 pm |
OH yeah - and enjoy your freedom while you're single and fancy free!
| ||
4/23/2008 10:19 pm |
If they mention marriage...........RUN !!!!!!!
| ||
4/25/2008 9:10 am |
sean, would u like me to introduce u to a very nice gal? with a beautiful ass? U butt man, u? perhaps then, u might change ur mind about the whole thing... anyways, let me know. I got just the right person 4 u. kimberly
| ||
4/27/2008 9:29 am |
Hm, this is a very loaded topic. I agree with what Owen says. However, I myself am someone who is deathly afraid of marrying the wrong person. But I guess one's got to say at some point, ok this is good enough and I will stop thinking of where the grass is greener and who is potentially better. Instead, I think this is good for me and although it may be and can be hard at times, I will make it work and make it mine. Easier said than done. I'm trying to do it myself just on the level of monogamous relationships. I think it may come down to not trusting oneself enough to believe one can make the right choices or make one's life good and instead putting the burden or responsibility of one's happiness too much on other people.
| ||
5/14/2008 3:58 pm |
Mad, You know what the problem is? I don't think there's such a thing as the right person. There's always a better person for you. Sorry Bro, but you are Wrong. There is someone who will try her best to become a better person for You. And who will inspire You to become a better person for Her. That's what it's all about. A mutually beneficial give and take relationship that will grow through the years. Find this person, and never let her go. The main thing is to find someone who you can talk with since Communication in the Key in any Good Relationship. Good Luck. MK
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
|
